Ten cocktails for Christmas

‘Tis the season to be jolly. ‘Tis the season to rock some holly. ‘Tis the season to eat too much, drink more than we should, give thanks for what’s good, and give the boot and the finger to all else. Here is my offering to all of you: a list of my favorite holiday cocktails and the songs I like to drink them to.

1. Boozy Bitches Eggnog – This is a timeless classic holiday drink, and there is no greater old random dude than Roger Whittaker to get your Christmas freak on with his rendition of Darcy the Dragon. Let’s face it: If you drink enough eggnog, you will see dragons.

2. Hot Spiced Cider with  Bourbon – “Have a Drink On Me.” Or so said ACDC’s lead vocalist Brian Johnson in the album’s 1980 release. Coming from a bunch of guys who know about this kinda stuff, one has to shut the hell up and just do as you are told.

3. Le Vie en Rose Spritz – From one perpetually messed up chick to another, Edith, I salute you and your song “Le Vie en Rose.” Your undying spirit and tenacity inspire me to this day. This cocktail is a beautiful combo of sparkling rose wine and St. Germaine (an elderflower infused liqueur from the south of France). Oui, mon belle cher, I make a toast to you with this one.

4. Mexican Hot Chocolate – I too believe in miracles and the song “You Sexy Thing,” by Hot Chocolate, is proof that they do exist. This song, of course, and the drink. Nothing says, “Feel better and freakin’ like it,” like this warm cup of sweet, booze-laden, hug-in-a-cup goodness. Make hot chocolate, add tequila and thank me later. Feliz Navidad, bitches.

5. Pepper-minty Moonshine – Matt Dylan said it best as he croons about “Carolina Moonshine,” good old boys, stock cars, rednecks and more. All I know is that some good old boys from my home turf (yep, ‘Ash the Lush’ was born in a shack in the backwoods of West Virginia, y’all) came into my place of work last hunt’n season and offered me a sip of peppermint-infused moonshine. I took a swig right from the jar and now have a story to share with y’all.

6. Merry Mulled Wine – “Here we come a wassailing.” A song we have all sung and have most certainly all taken part in. A warming mug of goodness containing wine, honey and spices that warms the tummy along with the limbs, and makes just about any worry seem not quite as great.

7. Yuletide Honey’d Chamomile tea – I have no clever stories to tell about this one, it’s just happens that I love me some chamomile tea; tea in general rocks my sock off, and you add rum and my toes curl: chamo tea, honey bourbon, maybe a little honey and lemon – grrr.

8. Christmas Cranberry Mojo – To accompany this festive holiday classic, there is no other song than the “Mojito Song” by Robert Abigail, a Dutch DJ from Rotterdam. This drink takes the usual suspects and then adds cranberry. You get the picture, so take my lead and make it yours; if it doesn’t suck, call me — I’ll be there in 10.

9. Ho Ho Hot Buttered Rum – “I got a bottle of rum” claims The Rum Song by the Creeks. Well yo ho ho, you lucky bastards, because you’re one up on me there. Rum is, to say the least, one of the best things on earth. You can have it with coke, lime juice, Rice Krispies or baby formula, and it really just makes it all taste better. If only rum where a woman, we would all fall in love.

10. Partridge in a Peartini – This song has not a damn thing to do with pears, partridges or any fuck hell about much of anything that makes sense, but I will tell you that it helps to be drinking when you are forced to listen to this song. The name of it is “Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter. Go forth and enjoy.