Drag Queen Bing(n)o

With the closing of Jr.’s, there has been an explosion of bingo balls all over this city. You can’t swing a purse without hitting a drag queen calling bingo numbers. Just how many drag queen bingos can Denver support?

Just this past week I counted five.

That’s a drag queen bingo for every work night. On Tuesday Jackie Summers hosts her bingo at Hamburger Mary’s. On Wednesday Alexandra Winters and Harley Quinn host another bingo at Mary’s. That same night Shanida Lawya and Nina Montaldo schlepped their bingo over to X Bar. Then on Friday, The Denver Cycle Sluts called their monthly bingo at Hamburger Mary’s. And to add to the deluge of balls, I recently threw a “Pie In Your Face Bingo” at Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret to raise money for Project Angel Heart.

How did bingo become so popular with drag queens, anyway? Back when I was little, growing up in the radioactive contaminated swamps of Rocky Flats, bingo was for little old blue-haired ladies and run by the nuns in the basement of the Catholic Church. Which is probably why another group of “nuns” took the game over in San Francisco back in October of 1980.

Yes, drag queen bingo has been around that long. It’s old, you know, but not as old as Nina.

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a group of campy gay male nuns, hosted the country’s first drag queen bingo – and salsa dance. The night was a benefit for San Francisco’s Metropolitan Community Church Cuban Refugee Program and it raised $1,500.

Voila, drag queen bingo was off and running.

When I was Queen Mother Director of the Denver Cycle Sluts, I looked for another way to raise money for our charities besides one-dollar tip at a time at a drag show. I had met the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at the Castro Street Fair when I first came out of the closet. They both frightened and fascinated me. I posed for a picture with the Sisters with my head through a life-size nun cardboard cutout. My first time ever in drag.

By then, the Sisters had perfected their drag queen bingo. It was called Ba-Da-Bingo! And they now had a professional bingo license, and because so many people attended bingo, the sisters strapped on roller skates to get up and down the aisles to deliver cards and prizes to the players. Nothing says fun like roller-skating nuns.

But with so many drag bingos going on, the novelty has lost its appeal. It’s time for the drag queens in this town to think of new ways for us to have fun. How about some drag queen roller derby? Or a night of drag queen paintball? That would knock a few wigs off. It’s time for Denver to start the next drag queen craze. One way or the other, I am sure it will involve some big balls.

Speaking of trends, what’s the next thing to replace planking?

Owling became popular for a little while. But posing while squatting with pursed lips for a beak just looks like you are taking big old dump in public. Not a good look for us gays.

Batmanning is starting to catch on. You hang upside down from ledges, held up only by your toes. I’ve tried it. But you must be sure your wig is on tight. Nobody wants to see a bald-headed drag queen hanging upside down. Though the look is more vampiric, very Nosferatu.
Horsemanning is where it’s at. You pose like the headless horseman from “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” Except you don’t need the horse. You just need a body and a head, preferably detached. If that’s not possible, then you need two people, one to be the body, and one to be the head. You pose the body in a position so it appears headless. Then you pose the head nearby where its body is not visible. The headless body holds the head by the hair. It is inspired by a 1920 photos you can see here. So get busy and start lopping off your friends’ heads.

Post your best horsemanning pictures at facebook.com/outfrontcolorado We’ll award a prize to the most creative!