A Personal Trainer on Emotion-Driven Weight-Loss Goals

Emotion can be a powerful factor in establishing goals.

“I want to be able to buy clothes at the same store as all my other friends.”

These were the words of one of my clients, a 17-year-old young lady, whose weight was within the Class-I range of obesity. Back then, she was 80 pounds overweight and could not find clothes that would fit her body at one of the mall’s popular stores. For her, going shopping was far from relaxing. Shopping was depressing.

“At this point, it is not about looking good; it is about staying alive,” were the words of another one of the people I have been able to work with within my seven years as a certified personal trainer. In his late 40s, this guy was not only obese but also suffered from hypertension, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and was pre-diabetic.

These powerful words are not always easy to obtain from a client or friend on a fitness journey. Most of the time, when one asks a client why they have come to see you, the response sounds something like: “I want to lose weight;” “I want to gain muscle;” “I need to be 20 pounds lighter.” All of these answers are OK. But they are as simple as they are ineffective.

Gain, lose, add, or take the inches and pounds. That’s how we measure success by magazines, TV shows, our favorite lifestyle book, or even our parents. We walked down the magazine aisle at the supermarket, and we are bombarded by titles that advertise losing a precise amount of weight in a short amount of time. Is it possible? Maybe. But probably not for most, and presumably, those who succeed will gain the weight back.

The problem with this type of setting goals is that we cannot control how much weight we lose or gain or how many inches we increase or decrease around our waist, chest, or gluteus. As a trainer, when I started, I used to sell my services the same way those magazines advertise themselves by promising a change in the number on the scale.

The sad part is that in many cases, I failed to deliver. This does not mean my clients were not working hard, or that I was not doing my best. It means that I had failed at setting them for success. And the truth is that no one, including all those training certifications, had taught me how to do a better job. I would set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely) without knowing what was practical.

The situation got out of control to the point that I felt I was scamming people; I was selling a product that was not delivered as promised. Fifty pounds lost were not the same as 40, and five inches less around the waist were not the same as six or seven. It was not until I analyzed my own goals that I discovered what was wrong.

Seeing the Light

I had always been skinny. At the same time, my goal had always been reaching 180 or even 190. I had worked hard, eaten a lot of food, bought many supplements. I even hired personal trainers to assist clients with my weight loss goals but yet, I was never able to reach my goal.

Tired of feeling like a failure as a trainer and as an individual, I sat down and put a lot of thought into what I was doing wrong. And I thought about the numbers. Why was my goal a number? Did that number mean something to me? And I realized that number did not have any meaning. It did not give me any excitement. There was no passion for the idea of reaching that specific number.

That moment felt like hitting the jackpot. To succeed, I had to find what made me feel passionate.

Today, when a client comes to see me for the first time, I sit with them and go through various questionnaires regarding health, nutrition, and lifting experience.

I also ask them the same question I asked my first clients seven years ago: Why are you here?

I still receive the same answers: I want to be skinny; I want to be big and have a great butt.

What comes after that answer has helped many of my clients and me reach our goals and what even changed my business.

“Why is being skinny, big, or having a great butt important to you?” is what I ask next. Weight loss is objective, after all.

At that moment, most of my clients pause and think. Sometimes, the next answer is as dull and empty as the first, and I will ask repeatedly. I will take as much time as I need to dig dip into the real reason for bringing that person to the gym.

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What started as ‘being skinny’ for the lady I mentioned before suddenly became about ‘being able to buy clothes’ that would fit her. It wasn’t because clothes were that important, but because she knew that being obese kept her from enjoying everyday activities that all her girlfriends were able to enjoy. She wanted to enjoy her adolescence and feel part of the group.

When setting up a goal, there is no need to rush the process. You may ask yourself many times why that goal is essential. You might start with, “I want to lose ten pounds.” Then, ask why losing those ten pounds is necessary to you. Finding the real, powerful reason for you to want to do something will be a much stronger motivator than a simple number that lacks passion.

Second, look at goals as behaviors to change. For example, learning how to cook healthy meals for you and your partner or becoming better at running or skiing could be worthy goals that most probably will lead to a change. Not because that is your primary concern, but because you are changing the habits that led you to that weight gain.

Lastly, I mentioned SMART goals before. There is nothing wrong with that acronym. It is quite useful if what we are measuring are not pounds, but actions like how many times you will go for a run in a week or how many meals you will cook at home.

Emotion can be a powerful factor in establishing goals. Passion should be in the process.