Cycle Sluts: Franks and beans and plenty of special sauce

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I am thinking about trying drag but I don’t know where to begin. What do you suggest as the starting point?
Signed, “Wigs, Dresses and Shoes, Oh My!”

Zoey Diddim: Take lessons. Watch the classic movies like Some Like it Hot, Tootsie, Pricilla Queen of the Desert and Mame. Follow the sidekicks/bitchy parts then emulate that.
Juana Mann: Start with heels. If you can’t work a good heel you are doomed to failure. Nothing worse than hearing “Queen Down!”
Winnie Bego: Come to Slut bingo and see how the real ones do it.
Diane Tolickya: Find a sugar daddy and break the bank, honey! It’s way too expensive to look this damn cheap.
Molotovia Cocktail: I find that a favorite store helps. I only shop at the best. Le Mart du K, Jacques Pen nay, and my all time favorite is Le Bon Will.
Bea Dazzle: Well, speaking for myself, I started on my back, and then moved up to my knees. I have had many satisfied customers in my pumps.
Rolonda Flor: Big titties and big hair are the ultimate accessories.
Eden Cox: My suggestion is to go dumpster diving honey. That’s where you can find the best jewelry!
Freeda Fondle: You can start by taking me shopping.
Sassy Squatch: Maybe start at Charlie’s?

Dear Cycle Sluts,
Some friends and I are planning a camping trip where we will be really roughing it. I am in charge of the food for the weekend. I’m sure an orgy is in the works for that weekend so what do you suggest for the menu?
Signed, “Chef Boys-are-whee”

Zoey:  The menu I suggest is the number for room service. My idea of “roughing it” is walking down the hall to get my own ice. I AM a Diva after all.
Molotovia: Depending on the orgy menu the food menu should NOT include asparagus (PEE-you if you pee on them). And NO Mexican, refried are a no go if they are re-RUNS.
Juana: Sounds like you know what your main course for the weekend is going to be. So anything else is fine as long as you pack the butter flavored Crisco and energy drinks.
Sassy: I don’t think it really matters what food you take. From the sounds of it whatever you take is going to end up with pubic hair in it!
Winnie: I’ll have the big Italian sausage and two meatballs!
Eden: Stick with oysters and green M&M’s. This way those boys stay nice and horny all weekend.
Diane: Cucumbers, squash and for the brave or cocky boys, bring along a watermelon. Oh wait, were you talking about food to eat?
Rolonda: Franks and beans, and plenty of special sauce.
Freeda:  I heard orgy where and when?
Bea:  I guess I don’t understand how the two go together.  If there is an orgy I am sure no one needs food, just plenty of water, and a touch of spermicide.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
Why are straight people so intrigued by drag queens and drag shows?
Signed, “Straight-Curious”

Juana: Hello! Have you seen us?
Zoey: It makes them feel safe in their suburban world knowing there are other freaks out there to draw the attention off religious, judgmental, bigoted groups. Who brought in my soap box?
Freeda: Bitch, because we are fabulous!
Winnie: Cause my legs look better in a dress!
Diane: It’s because we’re so f*cking shiny!
Rolonda: Because we’re easy.
Molotovia: The women can hang with us without fear of getting groped and the men hang with us in hope that they get groped.
Bea: Well, Doll, first of all the difference between str8’s and gays is a six-pack.  Gays have them, and str8s drink them for an alibi!
Eden: Well, I think the women come to get beauty tips from the best. And the men are there because they are secretly fantasizing about getting to wear our dresses.
Sassy: Because we’re so glamorous and entertaining. Also we can rock a dress and heels better than most real women do! Just sayin!