Ditch the bitch and make the switch

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I’m a school teacher and last week at the bar I ran into a student’s father. We talked all evening and then he suggested that we go out for dinner sometime. He’s a gorgeous man but I could lose my job if I date him! Do I risk my career for a date?
Signed, “Teachers Petting”

Sue: If dinner goes well, take him back to your place. It’d be awkward looking at your student over a bowl of Cheerios the next morning.
Sharon: If you’re that hard up for a date that you’ll risk your career, I don’t think I want my kid in your classroom!
Diane: An easy piece of ass is not worth your job, honey. Have him call you after graduation.
Rolonda: Be a risk taker and just go for it! If it doesn’t work out I hear Wal-Mart is hiring.
Winnie: If sex is worth it, go for it.
Marion: Sure. Why not? Please continue to make great decisions and pursue a career in politics. That way you can screw as many folks as you want, and keep your job.
Molotovia: I’d love to say throw your passion to the wind and go for it, BUT… wait a year until he’s no longer your student then teach dad a few lessons.
Zoey: Are you swapping grades for swapping fluids? Transfer the kid  and go after Daddy!
Bea: I’ve used other people’s kids to get me a date many times, so what’s so wrong? Just promise it won’t be a threesome.
Sassy: Focus on the long term. Can he give you three months paid vacation or a year away from children? Didn’t think so!

Dear Cycle Sluts,
If I were labeled I’d be considered “fem,” but don’t want to be a female. I wear men and women’s clothing in a tasteful and ANDROGYNOUS way. I’m  disappointed in the gay dating scene in Denver. Why is the fem gay man always a BIG NO? I feel Denver men are lacking in diversity, taste and culture.  
Signed, “Fashionably Expressive”

Sassy: My Mama Squatch always said, “Clothes don’t make the man, but personality can make him seem bitchy!”
Zoey: Lose the ‘tude to get a dude.
Molotovia: Turn down the flame and the “Sachet Chantey.” I’ll introduce you to a few Panty Sniffers.
Sue: It’s the Darwinian swamp, only the manliest win. You just have to put on bigger, brighter feathers. Or, you could butch it up a bit.
Marion: You’re not a can of vegetables. Time to drop the labels.
Rolonda: Bend over, I’ll show you some love!
Bea: I’m a 12-foot drag queen and never have a problem, but then again I don’t whine. You just need to find a creative outlet for your inner … whatever the hell it is.
Sharon: Just reading this question made me not want to date you! Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house?
Diane: Let me guess, you probably wear eye shadow and carry a purse too? Get over yourself already.
Juana: Well I have many fem friends, and they never seem to have a problem. Maybe your tastefulness is actually tasteless, and your fashion is just fail.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
As a straight man I have problems meeting women and even more trouble knowing if they’re interested in dating. I just can’t read their signals. How can I end my dating drought?
Signed, “Really Clueless”

Winnie: Ditch the bitch and make the switch. Gay guys give the best huuuuummmmmmmers!
Marion: You might start with reading and asking advice from a straight newspaper. Just a thought.
Zoey: Stop trying to pick up women at lesbian bars.
Sharon: I don’t really have straight-dar but I can tell you that most women are bitches and cock teases, if that helps.
Diane: Sorry Straighty, can’t help you. I don’t know how the hetros do it. Try getting her something cute like a puppy or something shiny. That would work on me.
Sue: Umm … Why the hell are you asking us? We’ll just get you drunk, have our way with you and leave you on your front lawn at 3 a.m. Ann Landers we ain’t!
Molotovia: Go ask Abby, I know nothing of the ladies except that I look better in their clothes.
Sassy: I don’t know, Honey! With all those bumps women have you should try reading them in brail!