Cycle sluts: You need a real man with REAL meat

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I have a really unique problem and I can’t believe I’m actually asking advice for it! There is a really attractive guy with a very nice personality who keeps coming on to me but I’m not interested. He won’t take “No” for an answer! How do I get rid of him?
Signed, “Still Looking”

Juana Mann: I get this ALL the time. I usually let them buy me a drink, and then pass them off to one of my horny sisters. You’re welcome Diane. Smooches!
Zoey Diddim: Oh throw him a quick lay. Once he realizes how shallow you are then he can move on to someone MUCH better. Give him my number please.
Freeda: Give me his number I need a date and a free dinner. A Bitch has got to eat.
Winnie Bego: Just say, ZOEY! STOP!
Diane Tolickya: Well, since trying to file a restraining order gets you nowhere, just change your phone number – twice.
Rolonda Flor: On your way to therapy, drop him off at my house and I’ll rock his world. For real though!
Molotovia Cocktail: Attractive, nice personality and you are still not interested? What are you, too good for the rest of us?
Bea Dazzle: Doll, I translated your question to slutese to get the real meaning. So, you have a fat, dickless stalker? Honesty will fix that, tell him the truth, you need a real man with real meat and less attitude. Then send him this way, momma needs new shoes.
Eden Cox: Honey, that’s just a houseboy looking for a daddy to buy him things, tell him you’re broke and he will be running to the next guy in seconds.
Sassy Squatch: Oh Pumpkin, remember this is Denver! He sounds like a pretty good “Mr. Right Now” while you’re waiting for “Mr. Someday I’ll Find Better.”

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
My boyfriend just gave me a double whammy. He invited me to go to his class reunion in La Junta but we will be staying with his Grandma. What do I tell him?
Signed, “Over the river and through the woods…”

Sassy: Double whammy? Sounds more like a triple threat to me, Class reunion, La Junta, and Grandmas? Why didn’t he just kick you in the nuts while he was at it?
Zoey: Tell him yes. Grandma probably already knows about Brokeback Southern Plains
Juana: When I read double whammy I got excited, but now I’m bored. What was the question?
Winnie: Tell him Grandma can be frisky, so watch out.
Diane: My definition of double whammy includes 2 other men. Sorry, can’t help you.
Bea: Gurl, I don’t remember the last time I a double whammy of any sort, I am sure no grandmas were hurt though.
Rolonda: You lost me at “la junta!”
Eden: Grab your red hoodie and head out there. Oh, and just for your info, grandma’s big teeth come out to a nice smooth gum line underneath.
Freeda: Don’t count out granny I am sure she has some mad skills. ]

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