Booze enemas are for beginners

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I was told that a booze enema can give you a good buzz. I prefer to drink wine. Which wine would be better for the enema?
Signed, “Wine appropriate”

Sassy: This explains why the bottle of wine in Marion’s trailer tasted like ass! I thought it was just because it came from an Oklahoma winery.
Sue: I think a nice white with a fruity bouquet is appropriate to stick up your butt …
Sharon: Go for a nice sparkling wine but be sure to drop a couple gas pills too, those bubbles will make you fart for days!
Marion: You can also get a good buzz from playing with your electric vibrator in the tub, but that’s not such a good idea now is it? Quit wine tasting with your poop chute and find your buzz another way.
Zoey: I would think a merlot. Good for the heart and is full bodied enough to make your skank ass smell like black cherries and plums.
Juana: If you are even thinking about this I don’t think wine would be strong enough for you, hon. Go for Everclear it will clean you out and have you buzzed for days.
Winnie: Any kind of wine will work really. Just don’t drink it after the enema … Unless you’re into that.
Diane: Booze enema? Do you also do a Bloody Mary enema the next day if you’re hung over?
Bea: So, tell me about the cheese? You can’t have wine without cheese.
Rolonda: Booze enemas are for beginners I’ve moved on to pills and powders.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I have recently been having wet dreams about an ex. We broke up years ago but now I wake up a few times a week from really vivid dreams about him. Is there some meaning to this?
Signed, “Late night lover”

Zoey: It’s time for you to throw away that latex casting of his dick. There are some things you don’t need to keep as memorabilia.
Juana: I believe it means he was the best you ever had, or the last. Period, you need some loving.
Sassy: Someone’s been neglecting Mr. Happy! You need to “Spank the Monkey” before bed using a memory of your choosing, otherwise your “Spitting Cobra” will pick one at random from your “mental wank-bank!”
Winnie: Yeah! And stop dreaming about me. It’s creepy.
Diane: Nothing to it except you’re now realizing what a great piece of ass you no longer get to have.
Marion: It doesn’t take a shrink to figure this one out. You’re lonely and horny. The good news: Your plumbing still works. Call me ASAP. I’ll play Dr. Phil, and we’ll start working out those deep-seated issues!
Rolonda: Wet dream? How old are you, 12? Maybe you’re wetting the bed – it’s time for adult diapers.
Bea: You suffer from a disorder called “Rigor Dorkus.” Get over yourself and call the guy with the wine enemas, then you both can pass out with someone.
Sharon: I think it means that you are feeling guilty that you lied to him years ago that you were STD free even though you are a filthy whore and now your subconscious is reminding you of the tramp you are.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I have been dating this new guy for a few weeks when I finally spent the night at his place. The next morning his dog woke me up by licking my crotch. My guy said his dog does it all the time with him. It’s like a pre-wash before the shower. Is this too weird for the relationship to work?
Signed, “Not playing catch with my balls”

Sharon: Just be happy the pooch isn’t a biter!
Juana: I have never had a real dog do that, a furry guy in a collar, yes. Just be glad anything is willing to get close to your stanky ball sacks.
Zoey:  I can’t get past the thought of you licking the same spot as Spot.
Winnie: Dog tongues are better than cat tongues, Just sayin’!
Diane: The only bitch that should be licking his balls is me.
Sue: You would always be second. His first love is his mutt that probably gives better head.
Rolonda: Obviously this guy has spent many lonely nights with just his dog and a jar of peanut butter.
Sassy: I think it’s OK to try a relationship with this guy, just don’t fall asleep on your stomach. No telling what else he lets his dog do.