ASK A SLUT: The holiday edition

Dear Cycle Sluts,
What was your favorite gift as a child?
Signed, “Candy or Coal”

Sassy Squatch: It’s the same now as it was when I was a child, the anticipation of seeing a great big package gets me excited! Once it’s unwrapped if I’m disappointed I just turn it over and play with the box!
Juana Man: Santa gave me a BIG candy cane one year. It was the best. I found many uses for it. To this day I still like sitting on a big jolly man and having him give me a big stick to suck on. Yummmmm!
Eden Cox: Never got it. I begged Santa for an Ultravibe 3000 and he brought me a Barbie doll. I used her as a replacement, at least till I lost her head and couldn’t find where the hell it went.
Zoey Diddim: The giant all day sucker filled with a creamy center that Santa gave me every year.
Freeda Fondle: My big thick hard Lincoln log. Oooh, shiny!
Bea Dazzle: It was when I was five, my very first diamond studded bracelet. My dad’s were so proud. It was actually one of their cockrings, I can’t remember where I found it, but it was easy to take off and it made my hands so soft.
Winnie Bego: Never was a child, Always a slut!
Rolonda Flor: My first donkey!
Molotovia Cocktail: I had a Pretty Little Dolly. She originally was given to my sister but I liberated her for my own personal use.  She went shopping with my GI Joe and they always found the cutest outfits.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
Recently I came home to find my roommate had been cleaning the house. When I walked in the living room I found him vacuuming his crotch. Is this safe and what do I say to him since he didn’t see me?
Signed, “Clean as a Whistle”

Sassy: First thing I’d tell him is that when the vacuum says it has a “beater bar” that’s not what it means! Ouch!
Zoey: For Xmas buy him a penis pump and tell him to dump the Dyson.
Juana: Well first of all good hygiene is very important. It’s your responsibility to make sure he does it right. So give him my number, I can help him out. I’m better than any Hoover on the market.
Winnie: Oh my! I just found my new hobby.
Molotovia: It all depends on what he was vacuuming. He may have been trying to get rid of those pesky crotch crickets. If he was using a Dust-Buster then get some Rid and get rid of him, (unless you gave him the crop).  If he had the Oreck on his organ then you aren’t doing your husbandly duties. Get on your knees and pray for forgiveness.
Bea: It would depend which attachment he was using. Just be happy that he cleans!
Rolonda: If he didn’t spend all his time playing world of Warcraft he’d b able to find a real person to do it for him. Be a good friend get on your knees and show him how its really done.
Eden: Girlfriend, you better put a stop to him using that equipment if you plan on using his equipment! Can you imagine if that actually got sucked up in there?
Freeda: Gurl, he’s just cleaning the crabs off his crouch.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
With the end of world supposed to happen right before Christmas what is your final wish?
Signed, “Silent Night … Literally!”

Rolonda: World peace.
Sassy: I don’t buy into all this Aztec calendar end of the world bull crap! When my current calendar is done I don’t just assume the world is going to end, I go buy the newest “Hairy Beefy Men Of Colt” calendar! People are so stupid!
Zoey: To go out with a big Bang in the bed… and world peace, of course.
Molotovia: My wish already came true. No more political ads, (at least for four more years). My name is Molly and I approve of this answer.
Juana Mann: I wish for peace, love and glitter. I’m working to make that come true. I am having a party and planning on getting a piece of love and there will be lots of glitter involved. Happy Holidays!
Eden: OMG!We’re all gonna die! Run for your lives!
Freeda:  My wish is that I ‘m in the middle of a hot sweaty gang bang!
Winnie: Peace, bitches!
Bea:  Cash only, no more charge card fees, all that good will and world piece cost money!

Dear Cycle Sluts,
My partner is planning a big gift for me but I am thinking about leaving him for someone else. What do you suggest I do?
Signed, “Season of Giving”

Juana: I have to say breaking up with someone is a big decision. Make sure you take lots of time to think about it. And if it happens to take you until after Christmas to make a truly thought out decision then so be it. Smooches!
Zoey: Stick it out for the big gift. If it’s not big enough then give him one…his freedom!
Freeda: Don’t make me slap you. Take the gift then run.
Winnie: I’ll take that BIG gift then. I know the spot to put it in…err, on I mean.
Rolonda: Send him to Rolonda baby I could always use another cougar daddy. I go through them like Kleenex!
Molotovia: Wait until January for the “White sales” then return him like I return all of those things that don’t fit.
Bea: Be sure that you leave him for someone else with a big “gift.” Personally I think you should work both of those big gifts, I can come over and give pointers.
Eden: Any man that likes to give nice gifts is worth staying with. I once dated a total hunchback that was loaded, at least till he left me for some dumb gypsy!
Sassy: This one is tough, Poodle! It might be a new car but what if the “Big Gift” is a ring and a proposal! Remember that when you play “Let’s Make a Deal” sometimes there’s a “ZONK” in the box!