Vaughan Murrae Chats About ‘Before I Change My Mind’

Before I Change My Mind is a unique addition to the coming-of-age genre as throughout the film, the main character Robin’s (played by Vaughan Murrae) gender is never revealed. Directed by Trevor Anderson and written by Anderson and Fish Griwkowsky, Before I Change My Mind is equal parts hilarious, heartwarming, and honest.

The film is set in 1987 and follows Robin, who, with their father (played by Matthew Rankin), moved from Spokane, Washington, to a small town in Alberta. The other students at their new school wonder if Robin is a boy or a girl, meanwhile, Robin is trying to figure out what kind of person they want to be, what and who they like, and fit in at their new school. Forming bonds and friendships with Carter (played by Dominic Lippa) and Izzy (played by Lacey Oake) further shapes and complicates things for Robin.

Recently I chatted with Vaughan Murrae about Before I Change My Mind.

What about the script spoke to you when you first read it, or why was Before I Change My Mind a project you wanted to be part of?

That’s actually a really good question. I think just initially, like, reading the script, the fact that, as a nonbinary person, I obviously immediately clicked with Robin and their experiences, and, I think, just the story that it wanted to tell. I feel like if you look at a lot of queer media, and it’s very centered around sort of this idea of coming out and having the terminology and being out and proud, and that’s good. That’s a good thing.

But it’s also nice to tell stories that aren’t necessarily centered around that, and with Before I Change My Mind, it was never really about Robin’s gender. It was more about what kind of person they would become and the experience of growing up in the ‘80s. I think that just spoke to me and felt very unique, and it made me want to hop on the project.

It was also your first leading role in a movie; how was that experience?

Yes. It was like crazy! I think that, like, as a young lad and getting into acting, modeling, and stuff like that, felt very surreal and then having like a lead role in a film that I got to play a character that was very close to me and I could relate to in a way. It was a very special experience. It was also my first time ever flying on a plane and going to a different province, so that was super new as well. Yeah, it was a wonderful experience. I was really lucky because Trevor is an amazing director and an amazing person. I got to work with a lot of people that I connected with.

Were there any things you did to prepare for the role of Robin?

I think a lot of it was sort of like an ‘80s study, if that makes any sense, because while I do relate to Robin, their experiences growing up in the ‘80s as a queer person is very different from my experience, like in the 2020s growing up as a queer person. It’s very different eras. So, I kind of had to learn about, you know, there wasn’t a lot of terminology that you could use, and there’s a lot more unsaid I think, that I had to learn and embody, I guess, as Robin.

Did you have a favorite scene to film, and why was it your favorite?

I think I have two. The first one would probably be the scene on the rooftop with Carter on top of the motel, specifically because I really enjoyed filming that. It was a really cold night, but it was a really special night in a way with Dom especially. It was a scene I had done in my audition. So being able to do it on screen and see it come alive and just how sweet it is and how quiet and subtle it is, that was really lovely. It was a really nice night. Very cold and a little bit miserable, but it was good. It was fun.

The second one would probably be the end scene in the rain. It was very dramatic, but it was a lot of fun. They had fake rain, obviously. It was very, very cold. But it was a lot of fun. It was with a small crew, and it was, like, one of the last scenes we shot, and especially with the rocket ship, too, like, that was the last time I’d see the rocket ship. So, it was really nice to film that with everybody. I had a lot of fun.

The film tackles themes such as figuring out one’s identity, finding out what one wants to do/be in the world, and coming to terms with who you are as a person. All of the kids, not just Robin, are trying to figure out who they are. Directors and writers throughout multiple decades have always been making movies about those themes. Why do you think there is still such a need for films with characters trying to figure out their identity or who they want to be?

I think that’s such a good question. I think a really big reason is because it is a human experience, and it’s never an experience that will not exist. We’re all, like every one of us is, uniquely different. We all have our own experiences.

So, having these films that come out that tell all these different stories but at their core are about figuring out who oneself is can really inspire people, can really inspire newer generations, and not only that, but it’s also good for older generations too, specifically with Before I Change My Mind. It’s set in the past. Not a lot of young people may relate to it, but people who grew up in that time and who were queer or who were figuring themselves out can feel seen and heard, and I think that’s just really lovely. It’s a common experience. Every human goes through it. I think that being able to tell those stories coming from a genuine place is always nice.

You recently touched on how Robin is never identified as either a boy or a girl. Even their dad never calls them a boy or girl, just either ‘his kid’ or calls them Robin. Why do you think never revealing Robin’s gender was so important for writers Trevor Anderson and Fish Griwkowsky?

Yeah, I remember talking about this with Trevor. I will have to say that he mentioned just how hard it was to write the whole script, never mentioning any pronouns for Robin. So, like, good job to him for that. I know that that was difficult. But I think it’s important because, like, again, it’s not really about that. It is set in the ‘80s, and I was talking to Trevor, and he was saying, “Yes, in real life, you know, the kids would try and figure out what bathroom Robin was going in. They would pester them about it.”

But all that stuff is kind of off-screen for this because we really wanted the focus of this to be on what kind of person Robin would become rather than their gender. So, we really wanted it to center around less about all of the people who would be bugging them about it and more about them as a person and their journey. So, I think that’s why it’s important. That’s why it’s never mentioned.

As a nonbinary person yourself, how was the experience playing Robin? The way Robin sees themselves in terms of gender identity, is it somewhat similar to you, or is it quite different?

I think it’s both. I think that awkward phase of growing up and not having the terminology. There was a time where I originally thought I was a trans man rather than nonbinary because I didn’t know that nonbinary was a thing. So there’s definitely that sort of like, “What am I? Am I an alien? Why does nothing feel right? Like, ugh, everything is so weird for me.” I definitely relate to that.

I think that the biggest difference is that I ended up being able to find that terminology, and Robin and I personality-wise are very different from each other. So, I am someone, I think, that as soon as I saw nonbinary, I was like, “That’s who I am. That’s me.” And, like, I’ve never wavered from that. Whereas I think Robin’s ride is gonna be a bit rockier than that.

How important is it to you to have LGBTQ+ representation in media and have those stories and voices being told?

I think for the same reason to have, like, any other kind of representation. Like we’re real people who exist in this world. We have stories. We’re human beings. We all have our own unique experiences, but we also have experiences that everybody else goes through. So having stories that sort of show or tell our experiences but also have stories where we can kind of just exist without that being the center of attention is really important because it normalizes us as a people in the world because I never really had that growing up. A lot of kids’ television shows didn’t have nonbinary characters, so it made me very confused when I first started realizing something was different about me. So, being able to have that representation for, like, not only queer people but non-queer people just normalizes us in the real world.

What does Before I Change My Mind mean to you personally?

It means so much to me. It was my first feature film. It was the first time I got to really explore a character’s gender identity and be able to take from my own experiences. It was the first time I had, like, a real film family and got to sort of be involved in a creative process. I had a lot of freedom with this character thanks to Trevor because Robin was sort of shaped by our discussions with each other. It really shaped my love for cinema. It gave me this ability to express my own creativity as well as collaborate with other creatives. I think that, for me, for a first-time experience, it was super special and shaped my view of cinema and film.

What is something you hope audiences take away from the film?

Growing up is hard, I guess. Society is not always gonna treat you right, and you’re not always gonna know who you are, and you’re gonna mess up, and you’re gonna make weird, silly choices. That’s OK. That’s part of life. I think, in the end, it’s just moving forward. It’s OK not to know everything right away, and it’s OK not to know who you are. You’ll find it eventually.

What does 2025 look like for you? Do you have any upcoming projects?

I think you’ll just have to wait and see! May be too early to tell!

Follow Vaughan Murrae on Instagram to keep up to date with them.

You can currently watch Before I Change My Mind on Crave and Amazon Prime Video