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Zippers or snaps?

Zippers or snaps?

Mr. Waste and I love to host dinner parties at our house. I cook and he cleans. I feel like I have the better end of the deal. And so does he. I make a mess and he eats good food. It’s a win-win.

Since Mr. Waste’s world is politics, I am always surprised by who shows up at our dinner table. From district attorneys to state senators, our dining room walls witness many Colorado movers and shakers. If only those walls could talk. Well, they can’t – but I can.

We recently entertained Colorado Supreme Court Justice Monica Márquez and her partner Sheila Barthel and the dinner conversation turned to fashion. You would think there would not be too many fashion choices in the world of a Supreme Court justice. “Hmm, let me see. What colored robe shall I wear today? Black or black?”

And that’s what Monica thought, too, when she was appointed a year ago by Gov. Bill Ritter. She was surprised when it came time to order her robes. She was given a swatch book with a dozen fabric choices. Who knew there were so many options when it came to black?
Once she decided on her shade of noir, she was then faced with a bigger dilemma – zippers or snaps? Supreme Court justice robes can either be fastened down the front with convenient snaps or quick zippers. How does one go about deciding which is best?

Luckily for Monica, her father Jose Márquez, the first Latino judge of the Colorado Court of Appeals, had some advice for his daughter. “Get the snaps.” The reason? Zippers snag on everything, as many a male has found out when closing up shop in the restroom. The last thing you want to worry about before entering the courtroom is having your zipper snag on your clothes, or some other body part.

The other advantage of snaps is you can fasten them in the dark. There’s a lot more fumbling with zippers. Monica witnessed this firsthand recently when the Colorado Supreme Court justices appeared on the Evergreen High School stage. Just before they were to go on, a justice snagged his zipper in the dimly lit backstage. He couldn’t see to get the zipper unstuck and was not about to make an appearance in tangled robes. Monica was called in for the rescue. With her robes securely snapped in place, she was able to help out her colleague. Being the youngest of the Supreme Court justices, her sharper vision saved the day.

So the next time you are contemplating that new pair of jeans, go for the button down over the zipper. It will save you a lot of frustration – and a painfully stuck appendage. Most lesbians excluded.

We have given up on our dog, Puppy Waste Two. Oh, he’s not getting dumped off at a shelter or anything. We can’t keep him confined in his crate. We used crate training on Puppy Waste One and it was great. He still loves his soft-sided crate to this day.

But Puppy Waste Two is not having any of it. His new name is The Escape Artist. Three times now, he has chewed his way out of the crate and three times, I have sewn it back together. Luckily for us, his potty training is over and he is old enough to sleep on the floor by our bed. The crates stay open and we have free-range dogs. If only they laid eggs.

Our friends Leslie and Katina had an escape dog of their own. This dog could get out of any kind of crate be it canvas, plastic or wire. So they heard about a special metal crate that is only sold out of Canada, considered illegal in the United States. After ordering it, Leslie decided they should test out the crate before subjecting it to their canine terror. She convinced Katina to crawl inside. Yes, the crate was quite escape proof. Katina was not able to get out. Leslie was quite amused that she had her girlfriend trapped in a dog crate. She made Katina beg, like a dog, to be let out. So the next time your husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend asks you to crawl inside a dog crate, think twice.

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