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Use therapy to shift the balance

Use therapy to shift the balance

By Kimberly Zimmerman, MA, LPC

Young adults who are rejected for their LGBT status are 8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression and 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs than those who experience no or low levels of rejection, according to a recent study led by Professor Caitlin Ryan.

Kimberly Zimmerman, MA, LPC. Photo by Rebecca Bowman.

The queer community is subject to chronic stress from stigmatization and marginalization in our predominantly heterosexual society. Over time and through social learning we internalize those negative messages, further degrading our self-worth. Because we experience such pervasive messages of rejection, it is that much more important to find sources of non-judgmental support and acceptance. Rejection is ubiquitous. Acceptance is rare. I think it’s time we started shifting that balance.

In my experience as a lesbian and a psychotherapist I have seen firsthand how silently destructive this social process can be  – starting first outside ourselves, then slowly sneaking in, taking up residence in our own beliefs about ourselves and our community. This is what can eventually manifest as anxiety, depression, substance misuse/abuse, suicidality and other emotional struggles with which I’m sure you are all familiar.

I think psychotherapy is one very powerful way to help shift the balance from rejection towards acceptance, health from the inside out. First of all, finding the right therapist means connecting with someone with whom you feel safe, supported and not judged. Just that basic experience can be the first thing to start dissolving those entrenched negative beliefs – and how often do we really get that kind of interaction? Then, instead of enacting whatever habitual patterns we’ve developed based on those painful messages, we are encouraged to simply talk about them (for example, talking about urges to leave a girl/boyfriend versus just walking out). And the kicker? You get to talk about them with someone whose only investment is your well-being (not getting to date your soon-to-be ex, trying to hurry the conversation along, or any other secondary gain). This is often why friends and family tend not to be our best therapists.

This structure is what allows us to step back for a moment and examine the roots of our suffering – how and why these beliefs, experiences and patterns are leading to such pain in our lives. If we’re not constantly acting out, there’s actually opportunity to see situations with clarity, incorporate new perspectives and learn ways to interact that cause us less pain overall.

Now, I know psychotherapy doesn’t exist in a vacuum and that a huge part of mental health treatment also includes medication. But how often have you heard that a friend is feeling depressed or anxious, goes to her physician, gets a prescription, and that’s the end of the story?

This track can often lead to more pain and suffering because it means the symptoms of the underlying issue are being treated, but not the root. It’s like weeding by lopping off the tops of dandelions – they will keep coming back (and come back stronger) as long as you leave the roots below the surface. This is not to say, however, that medication is not an important part of many people’s mental health treatment. Research has actually shown that the combination of talk therapy and the right medication is the most effective course for many mental illnesses. Sometimes the weeds are so overgrown that you can’t even reach the roots yet – that’s when therapy plus medication can be most helpful.

Positive, lasting change happens when we address what’s leading to our symptoms. These symptoms (overwhelming sadness, failed relationships, angry outbursts, etc.) are our flags that something else is happening deeper within. It takes tremendous courage to choose to look at the roots rather than settle for mowing down unwanted symptoms. I urge you, the reader who just wants to be happy, to consider how psychotherapy might be another way to help you enjoy even more of your life.

Kimberly Zimmerman, MA, LPC holds a degree from Naropa University in Contemplative Psychotherapy and offers individual counseling at her City Park office. She specializes in LGBT concerns, trauma, relationships and chronic illness. You can visit her website at www.KimberlyZimmermanCounseling.com.

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