The spectrum of sexuality

I am a lesbian. For those that know me you’re probably thinking, “Duh, we know!”  However, my sexual orientation has been called into question on more than one occasion during my lifetime.

Most recently, I was asked twice in one night, while standing in a gay bar, if I was, in fact, a lesbian. I can almost understand a straight guy asking me that question. I find that men remain hopeful, even when surrounded by lesbians, that in the crowd there is still a woman that they are attracted to who may give them a chance.

He’s hoping, “Hey, maybe she goes both ways.”

This brings me to bisexuality. I had a really hard time understanding people who told me they were bisexual. Men and women are so different in many ways that I just could never wrap my head around how someone could go for both. I was of the opinion that people that “claimed” bisexuality were really just gay but weren’t ready to admit it, and I still feel that to be very true for some people.

When first coming out, it’s easier to say “bisexual” than “gay.”

However, I do have close friends and acquaintances who are bisexual and I know that they would have no problem saying they were gay if they really felt they were.

These are actual bisexuals.

I have always said that women are more able to be bisexual than men simply because of the way we relate to one another.

Given the opportunity, women will reveal all kinds of things about themselves to total strangers (other women strangers) and nobody would ever think it strange.

We will admire women. Even when I was “pretend-a-straight” I dressed more for women than men. Straight men generally relate to one another differently.

And bisexual men are their own special breed of men. A man who loves women and men is very special indeed.

Bisexual women make sense to me now. I understand that women are attracted to men. I can see what would be attractive about a man, even if I am not attracted to them. A bisexual woman sees the beauty and delicious sexuality in a woman and is happy to share it in a loving relationship.

I honestly believe that a bisexual man is like a unicorn. It’s such a lovely mythical creature, but I’ve never actually spoken to one about it.
A bisexual man seems to be the most evolved. To be able to really see the beauty in either gender and be happy with the “person” that they are with, is incredible to me.

I had an interesting experience the other night. I was at an event that was attended by predominantly straight people. Three women on three separate occasions felt it necessary to express that they were bisexual to me.

A friend of mine told me it was because they were hitting on me.

I digress.

However, it got me to thinking.

I began to question if the fluidity with one’s sexual orientation comes from a genuine place or are some people only bisexual after that third shot and second martini?

Straight women notoriously make out and have been known to even fool around with or have sex with their female friends when they have had a few drinks.

Porn often depicts women with women, well, except for gay porn.

It’s as if women generally accept a wider variety of sexuality, and this is considered quite acceptable in our culture.

And then there are women who have previously been in relationships with women, but still classify themselves as straight. “I’m just in love with you, your gender doesn’t matter.” This still seems like a cop-out to me.

A truly bisexual person, in my humble opinion, is one who has accepted all parts of her or himself and is able to do the same for others. One would have to be incredibly open in order to see the person beyond a gender. And this is why I know I’m a lesbian.

As much as I love men,  I have no desire to be in a relationship with one. Women make me happy, even when they’re making me crazy.

In the past, I thought that I was bisexual.

I mean one of my favorite people on the planet is my last boyfriend, and I had good sex with him. However, I still have no desire to be in a relationship with him. And that is the real difference between sexual adventure and true bisexuality; the relationship.

As I continually strive to become a more evolved “me” I am constantly questioning the roles and sexualities of humanity. Maybe in my next life bisexuality will be more than an intellectual puzzle.

But for this life, I’m definitely a lesbian.