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Stuff Gay People Like: Gay social websites

Stuff Gay People Like: Gay social websites

*STUFF GAY PEOPLE LIKE has winked at you*

There was a time that meeting other gay people was an elusive art. It required complicated things like handshakes, eye contact, small talk, buying someone a drink and even sometimes driving.

Of course, according to legend, there were a few adventurous (half-closeted) types who met in public parks for sex, and even they engaged in an elaborate courtship dances: POTENTIAL PARTNER 01 walks _over there_ to see if POTENTIAL PARTNER 02 will follow; he does; POTENTIAL PARTNER 02 walks over _the other way_ to see if POTENTIAL PARTNER 01 will return follow; he does indeed (!), and true love begins between the City Park porta-potties and the lilac hedge.

But that was a long time ago. The world has changed, and now it is through Connexion and OKCupid that gay men meet, drawn together by self-taken shirtless digital iphone pictures of the subject in his toothpaste-speckled bathroom mirror. This is the universal gay profile picture. Gay people were the first to use the Internet for these things, and now that the whole world is on Myspace and Facebook, gay men are again pioneers and leading experts in the field.

Dating was once an art, but gay people have now made it an exact science of time-efficient practices. A new relationship begins with a conversation a little that goes much like this:

sup man, nice pics

nice pics man sup

sup, unlock?

unlocked man, U?

nice

nice man thx

The very next line will, of course, involve an exchange of phone numbers, followed by these two soul mates living happily ever after.

There are a number of gay profile sites, each with a slightly different focus and different user habits, and different formulas for creating an eye-catching profile. Before setting up a profile on one of these sites it is important to learn the rules and expectations for each.

Gay.com

Name/Headline: AlExAnDeR

Text: Let me just first say I am a TOTAL Taurus and Romantic!! Huge spoongebob fan!! I want to meet genuine kind-hearted people who don’t think it’s all about looks!! I have been through some hard times because a lot of guys out there want to have sex and then drop but but I keep on keepin-on because I am a kind-hearted person and know the right guy is out there!! My ex was a dick he cheated on me but I don’t know why drama follows me everywhere, I have no drama here, just nice kind-hearted person!! Don’t be shy I respond to everyone!! But please don’t message me unless you have read everything in this profile!!

Picture: Washed-out close-up of AlExAnDeR’s face making kissy-lips.

Of note: AlExAnDeR will only respond to messages from extremely good-looking guys.

Manhunt

Name/Headline: biCollegeJock

Text: “Discreet 27yro well-off bi dude here looking for dudes to get down with. I’m bi, usually date women. No fats, no fems, no blacks, no asians, no drama queens, no HIV+ guys, no druggies, no smokers. D&D free MASC ONLY!!! White guys only, sorry. Must have a job. I take care of my body and don’t waste my time with guys who don’t do the same, also I’m not out you must be discreet. Must have an unlocked face pic BEFORE you message or I will block you. I’m real laid back and open-minded, ub2.”

Picture: Shirtless photo of biCollegeJock jogging with the head cropped out.

Connexion

Headline: Jason

Text: Just your normal, average guy. Not into the gay scene at all, I prefer normal guys. Looking for normal, average guys who are chill, laid back, and no drama. I like a guy who likes to get out into the outdoors and to the gym and who knows how to enjoy the finer things in life, and is normal. I like sports, food, movies, and hanging out. Not all about sex, either, just normal stuff. I enjoy my life to the fullest and think you should do the same. I want a really interesting person with some depth!

Picture: 23-year-old shirtless boy in a backwards baseball cap flipping off the camera.

Adam4Adam

Name/Headline: Randyboi21

Text: I know this is supposed to be a hookup site but I don’t know why everybody keeps getting the idea that I am here to find sex. I have a boyfriend!!!! not looking for hookups, SO DON’T ASK.

Picture: Close-up of his anus.


Stuff Gay People Like (SGPL) is a satirical/cultural column featured in Out Front Colorado. Visit the Facebook Page or view the whole list.

@StuffGayPplLike/#SGPL on Twitter.

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