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Stuff Gay People Like: Dance remixes

Stuff Gay People Like: Dance remixes

If you are gay, your friends may ask you what kind of music gay people like. The stereotype is that gay people only like The Village People, Barbara Streisand and Cher, which is almost never true – gay people actually only like those artists when they are making fun of themselves – so straight friends are being very good by asking. Still, the answer will surprise them because it is alarmingly simple: gay people don’t have a special kind of music. They like the gay versions of all music.

Gay music isn’t broken into genres like “ragaeton” or “soul” or “country” the way that Urban Latino, Middle-aged Black or Neo-Confederate (respectively) sub-communities define their musical tastes. Instead, gay people take mainstream hit songs and make a techno dance version. Techno dance remixes are the world’s gay music.

Incidentally, there is a dance remix version of everything. You name the song, and there is a dance remix. There are dance remixes of songs by Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson. There are dance remixes of songs you already thought were dance songs in the first place. But that’s not all; there are are dance remixes of famous speeches, infamous YouTube videos and obscene rants. As we speak, gay people are in the midst of dance-remixing all famous works in human history, including City of God, The Iliad, Dante’s Inferno, Einstein’s first paper on the Theory of Relativity, The Color Purple, the Ramayana and the Bible.

Another feature of gay dance music is that multiple songs are blurred together into one continuous melody, to be bass-thumped on blacklit, shattered-glass-covered dance floors for hours on end. Sometimes two, three or even more songs are combined into a single piece, leaving you to cry and rip out your hair by the fistful waiting for the never-arriving chorus. (This is a major genesis of many gay hairstyles.) This is a aspect of gay music and gay fashion alike: it is made by taking things, cutting them up into little pieces and putting them back together all mixed up.


Stuff Gay People Like (SGPL) is a satirical/cultural column featured in Out Front Colorado. Visit the Facebook Page or view the whole list.

@StuffGayPplLike/#SGPL on Twitter.

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