Stuff Gay People Like: Acronyms

You shouldn’t be surprised that a community of people called “LGBTQQIAS” would be fans of acronyms. They started out as Homosexual, then Gay, then Gay and Lesbian, then GLBT, then LGBTQ, and once it was resolved that the amalgamation of letters was restricted neither by convenience nor by everyone knowing what the letters stand for, it went entropically out of control.

The fact is, a major institution in gay culture is to define concepts too complicated to fit into single words through acronyms. And there are many of them. So if you come across a D&DF guy looking for a LTR, UB2, who’s a member of the MSU GSA and QPOC, be prepared to embrace a foreign language.

“LGBTQQIAAS” means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, and straight. Sometimes conservative gay people as well as conservative straight people consider it “political correctness run amok” that they have to remember all those letters to avoid criticism. In reality, they have never been criticized, and never will be criticized, for not remembering all the letters, because nobody remembers all the letters, and no one has ever told them they have to.

“VGL” is the most abused acronym in the gay lexicon, as dishonest as “seven-inch dick” (which should be interpreted to mean “four to six inches.”) VGL is usually used Online, and it is a self-description that stands for “very good-looking.” But in application it means he posts photos of his body with his face cropped out, expects you to take his word for it that he’s hot, and thinks he can talk his way into a higher league than he is actually in.

“LTR” means “long term relationship,” which he will say he is desperately looking for, unless he isn’t that in to you, in which case he will say he isn’t really predisposed to long-term relationships and that must have been a typo.

“GSA” stands “for gay-straight alliance,” which is the club where all the queer college students who will drag college out until they’re 40 hang out.

“BFE” means “butt-fucking Egypt,” referring to the suburbs, or somewhere else that you never visit.

“D&D Free” is another abused term. Literally, it means “drug and disease free,” but it more accurately means “I’ve never been tested,” and when followed by “UB2” it means “I’d rather give you something than you give me something.”

“FWB” or “friends with benefits” are people who have sex with each other but do not love each other; the equivalent of a traditional heterosexual marriage except with sex.

“PFLAG” is where you send your homophobic parents to get de-programmed after you come out to them. It’s short for “Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians And Gays.” There they’ll explain homosexuality in conservative terms like “it’s not a choice” and “your son is surely still a virgin, and will settle down and find a long-term partner,” and will give them a slow-drip of exposure to gay culture because they wouldn’t be able to handle it all at once.

“420” means “my only social skill is passing a pipe,” which is why this person is certain to make it the first thing you know about him.

“NSA” stands for “no-strings-attached,” which means “if we hook up, I’m the only one who can decide if there’s a reason to do it again.”

“PnP” stands for “party and play,” to be read as “I don’t expect to live past 30, so fuck it.”

Stuff Gay People Like (SGPL) is a satirical/cultural column featured in Out Front Colorado. Visit the Facebook Page or view the whole list.

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