Speak Out: Prejudice in our own community
By Julia Hatch
Prejudice exists outside the LGBTQ community and within our ranks; no sub–grouping is immune. Some gays and lesbians hold prejudices against bisexuals; some trans people are prejudiced against people who identify themselves as gender queer. All of us are vulnerable.
Being trans, the one prejudice I feel the need to address is cissexism. That is the belief that the gender identities of transpeople are less real or less legitimate than those of cispeople (those sense of their own sexual identity is in alignment with their bodies and the gender they were assigned at birth).
It was within the LGB community that I first felt anything like acceptance for who I was as a trans person, but cissexism can be experienced in many ways. For instance, a straight ciswoman may feel she’s being accepting and supportive when she compliments us on our courage to transition, but then might feel threatened at the thought of sharing a public women’s locker room or shower with a post–op trans woman, or be frightened at the thought of her son dating a trans woman. In other words, trans women are fine at a distance but become a threat when they assert their equality as women.
Because my identity is female, I present myself online as female. As such I’m able to meet a lot of cislesbians, in places like Second Life, dating websites or in chat rooms. In conversation we get along great. They laugh at my jokes and they show genuine interest in me and what I have to say. When I show them my real life portrait, they tell me how beautiful I am. It’s when they want to meet me in person that I disclose that I’m transsexual. Sadly, in most cases, the women shut off contact completely.
When I was using the dating site eHarmony, I had one lesbian write me enthusiastically saying she wanted to skip the usual format of the site and communicate directly. We had a lively back forth conversation where she said she wanted to meet in person. To be careful, I asked if she’d read my profile close enough to pick up on the fact that I’d stated clearly that I was a post op transsexual. I never heard from her again. I’d even stated in my last email to her that if she had concerns about dating a transsexual that perhaps we could stay in contact to just be friends. Not even this warranted a response.
The only explanation I’ve heard from women who do this is that they feel I’m being deceptive and dishonest – the assumption is that I’m presenting myself in a way that’s not genuine, as if I’m just pretending to be a woman. As a trans person, nothing could be further from the truth. Online or in person, how I present myself is the most sincere and honest expression of who I am.
These women may find some personal justification for creating this social hierarchy but it’s really no different than hierarchies imposed by race or sexual orientation. What seems like a natural impulse that initially feels justified, can sometimes turn out to be bigoted reactions based on unexamined assumptions about other people. Hopefully we can all learn to examine our assumptions about others in a way that creates more unity among people inside and outside the LGBTQ community.
Julia Hatch is a trans woman, photographer and therapist in the community.
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Speak Out is a section created for YOU, our readers, to submit opinions or personal narratives pertinent to Colorado's LGBT community. Have something to Speak Out about? Contact Holly Hatch or Matt Pizzuti to submit a 500-600 word piece: Holly@OutFrontColorado.com Matt@OutFrontColorado.com