Speak Out: CouncilMom Kniech on a life that’s fabulously ordinary

By Robin Kniech

Long, long ago, in a land far away called Iowa, I went to college. The Bisexual Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Drake University, aka BGLAD, was the first community where I felt I really belonged. Rarely one to take the easy path when a much more difficult one can be found, I worked with BGLAD to design a Homophobia/Heterosexism workshop for the Greek system, which they actually agreed to let us present to fraternities and sororities.

The workshop opened with a two-panel cartoon. The first was a teaser to prepare the reader for the “deep, dark, secret inner life of gays and lesbians, what they did in the privacy of their homes….” The second? A picture of gay men watching TV and lesbians doing their laundry. We followed with many highly regarded diversity workshop exercises, but I don’t think anything was as powerful as that opener. It confronted deeply held imagery and stereotypes of what it means to be gay, and demystified them with the plain, ordinary facts of daily life. Not to mention it was hilarious.

Fast forward to today, when in addition to doing our own laundry, more and more LGBT couples are washing cloth diapers, fire truck sleepers and karate or ballet costumes. And lieu of watching our own TV shows, we know all the words to episodes of the Backyardagains and Toy Story 3. The deep, dark, secret inner life of gays and lesbians has long-included parenting, whether from prior relationships or planned after coming out. But as more of us feel safe being in our jobs, families, and communities, more LGBT individuals and couples are coming out as parents who can love, raise, make mistakes with, and embarrass our children in the same ordinary and extraordinary ways as other families.

Why is it important to shed light on the deep, dark secret inner life of cleaning milk-lip imprints off the back of your slacks? Or about reading Mr. Strong for the 1000th time and pretending to be shocked when he picks up a barn and fills it with river water to put out the fire? Because these things simply don’t change with your sexual orientation, nor do the values we try to promote in our children, such as caring, kindness, responsibility, honesty and respect.

Denver is a largely inclusive city, where LGBT parents live next door to straight ones, and we sit next to each other at school performances and soccer practice. But we still face discrimination in relationship recognition, we can’t participate with our sons in the Boy Scouts, and our kids might face teasing or bullying from classmates who don’t learn a lot about families like ours in school, books or television.

Your City Government is an open and inclusive one too. But because of these lingering barriers, sometimes I think it’s important to make a little extra effort to be sure folks know about the resources available to all the families in our City. This summer I taught my son to swim by trying out all the different public pools in Denver. And we both fell in love with toddler slides, splash pads, zero depth kiddie pools and other amenities hiding in neighborhoods across Denver while some parents think they have to head to the ‘burbs.

So this January, when the temps are cold, new toys are old, and the kids are driving us all up the wall, let’s get together and run and swim and play and laugh. Join us on Jan. 26 at the Montclair Recreation Center for a Family OUTing, and consider signing up for a lesson or a membership afterwards. Denver’s Parks and Recreation system is an asset for all families, including LGBT parents. Add oohing and aahing at missed swings at the T, or cheering every summersault as if it was the first, to your deep, dark, secret inner life as a gay parent.

Robin Kniech is the City Council’s first openly-gay council member. Her goals include: affordable housing options, a more sustainable budget, and renewed retention and development of light industrial and manufacturing jobs. Robin and her partner of 10 years have a young son.

Denver Family OUTing

What: Meet and mingle with LGBT parents
When: January 26, 4pm – 7pm
Where: Montclair Recreation Center, 729 Ulster Ct., Denver CO 80230
For more info on the Family OUTing click here
RSVP required here