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SPEAK OUT: An ally’s awakening

SPEAK OUT: An ally’s awakening

By Madeline Abram 

My first exposure to “gays” was when I was in elementary school. My mom and dad had given me “the sex talk” with the help of a book full of pictures and more than enough information for an eight-year-old to digest. As a curious child, my ears perked when, a couple years later, I heard my mom recommending the same book to my aunt who was looking for ways to have “the talk” with her own children. I overheard my mom say that she’d ripped out the “gay and lesbian page.” I looked in my book to discover that it was, in fact, missing two pages.

The idea that it’s best to “shelter” your child from knowledge about gays or lesbians is not uncommon for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as LDS or Mormons. There’s an expectation to teach your children that heterosexual couples are the only successful relationships, and that God does not ordain or support anything beyond that. Growing up in this faith, I was always taught to “love gay people” but not their choices — in other words, love the sinner, hate the sin.

I accepted this into my own belief system, to run with blind faith and hope that God knew what he was doing, but there was always something that bothered me about the whole idea.

A few years after I developed this sort of thinking, my cousin moved in with our family. He had come out as gay to his own family only a year or so before — they “still loved” him but reacted with heavy hearts.

I found some faults with their “Christian-like” behavior; they grieved over “losing a son to the devil,” and, from my perspective, put the spotlight on themselves. They didn’t seem to acknowledge how difficult it was for their son to come out to his devout Mormon family, which is why I was so glad to have my own immediate family make the decision to accept him with open arms. He was my first real exposure to gay people and how different it actually was from my own prior perceptions. Jordan was, and still is, one of the most loving people I have ever met. Although he does not claim to be, he is my perfect definition of a Christian.

As I began my adult life and ventured out to college in Utah, I discovered a community that ranged from semi-supportive fence-sitters to outspoken anti-gay religionists. Yet simultaneously, I have found some of the most wonderful, accepting, and genuine individuals in my life here in The Valley. I’ve struggled trying to hold on to the religion I treasure so dearly while understanding and supporting the LGBT community.

As an active Mormon, I have found so many wonderful resources allowing love and acceptance to flourish in Utah. While my own extended family is still ultra-conservative, I am striving to help make “Happy Valley” Utah a place that truly lives up to its title. I hope that with future input of my own and those with whom I come in contact, I can help bridge the gap between religion and love, — the way it should have always been.

Madeline Abram grew up in the Mormon faith in Parker, Colorado, and is a psychology student at Utah Valley University. Her mother Rallet Butler and cousin Jordan Jacobs work for Out Front as marketing executives.

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