Sexpert: Cacti make for poor choice as sex toys

Dear Shanna,

I’m looking for some new toys, but since almost anything can be interesting I’d rather ask what *wouldn’t* work? I am wondering, could you list five or six things I really don’t want to try using as a sex toy and why?

Willing to Try Anything, Fort Collins

Dear “Willing to Try Anything,”

A good question, and one I get asked quite frequently. Here are some of the things that I would suggest avoiding as sex toys. 

Cacti: While these plants can appear adorable, they are actually anything but (and don’t belong in your butt either!). The thorns are impossible to sterilize, making them a less than ideal item for sexual play.

Automotive Lubricant: I frequently speak to how important lubricant is to a positive sexual experience. However, while there is in fact the word “lubricant” in this product, it doesn’t actually mean the same thing as sexual lube. In addition to just being kind of gross, it contains many chemicals and additives that you just won’t find in a good quality bottle of Sliquid or Pjur. Stay away!

An Electric Fence: While books like 50 Shades of Grey and Laura Antoniou’s Marketplace Series have introduced many to the world of kink, the electric play discussed and enacted in this community is done in a risk-aware and well-discussed manner. As tempting as it may be to throw yourself or a partner at an electric fence as part of a play scene, it also might kill you/them, thereby ending your evening together. Maybe consider investing in a violet wand instead?

Bowling Balls: They are round, smooth and often shiny, which for some people equals a sex toy. However, these sports accessories are not the best design for use inside the body. While the vagina can birth a child, the average bowling ball is significantly bigger than the head of a newborn, and the lack of any sort of flanged base means that this type of sphere is absolutely not safe for use in the ass. Purchasing a butt plug that is designed specifically for anal use may save you a trip to the emergency room.

Best wishes in only choosing body safe items on your sex toy adventure!

Shanna

Shanna Doggz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author. To find out more about what Shanna has seen and heard in her career as a sexologist, Google “Rule 34.”