Salute that flag in your shorts as big and bold as you can

With PrideFest over, that’s one big party down and two left to go. The gay rodeo is coming up and then it’s “Slut Search” on July 16. Come out and help us choose who’ll be the newest members of the Denver Cycle Sluts.

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
I live in a high-rise apartment downtown and spend my time watching a hot guy in the building across the street. When he’s home he wears next to nothing and it’s like he’s putting on a show just for me. How can I get his attention and meet him in person?
Signed, “Vertical Voyeur.”

Sharon: A really long stick?
Marion: Just enjoy the view and don’t push any further, darlin’, unless you’re planning on a midnight-dip-the-wick-and-move. Trust me on this one.
Winnie: Well, hello. Nice to meet ya.
Sue: Launch water balloons at his open window. That should do the trick. Use Sassy’s bra, it has deep cups to hold bigger balloons and with all that elastic, I’m sure you’ll get a sonic boom.
Diane: Poster board and red paint. In bold letters paint “Enter Here” with an arrow pointing at yourself, and then stand next to it on your balcony. Zoey: You know which apartment. So do the smart thing and stalk him. Slip in and stand by his door before he gets home.
Sassy: Sweetie, if you got out more instead of sitting home hoping he’ll open his curtains, consider this: “Get a life.”
Molotovia: I’m not putting on a show, I’m inviting. Get your sweet-ass over here and let’s finally meat. I meant meet.

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
While traveling I took a rest break at a truck stop in Kansas. There was a hottie who sat across from me rubbing himself and motioning for me to follow him to the men’s room. I was shocked and aroused by how blatant he was. Does this sort of thing happen a lot on the road?
Signed, “I brake for booty.”

Sharon: Only at the nicest rest areas and truck stops.
Marion: Sounds like a lot lizard on the prowl. And btw … next time, follow me to the toilet, sugar-tits, and don’t play so hard to get. Another cow is always ready for the chute.
Sue: Ten bucks says he was a cop and you would have found yourself in cuffs … and not in a good way.
Winnie: Typical weekend for the Winnie Bego.
Diane: Well, I don’t travel so I couldn’t tell ya. Oddly enough, the same exact thing happens at my house all the time. Co-winky-dink?
Zoey: Even roadies get lonely. He was probably asking for a little more cream for his cuppa joe, or whatever he calls it.
Molotovia: Sounds like this was a “pig” looking to “cop” a feel, if you know what I mean. Be wary of this type of action unless you want to spend some time rubbing yourself behind bars.
Sassy: What happens in the trucker’s shower at the Flying J stays in the trucker’s shower at the Flying J …  And the video security recorder.

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
Now that summer is here I plan on spending lots of time at my building’s pool. There are lots of hot guys that sunbathe there. The problem I have is that I get “visually aroused” easily. It’s really embarrassing to “pitch a tent” in public. How I can calm my raging beast?
Signed, “Speedo stretcher.”
Sharon: Never go out with a loaded weapon, if ya know what I mean.
Sassy: I’ve never thought anyone looks good in a Speedo. Come on over and we’ll get you out of that swimsuit immediately.
Marion: Are we talking pup tent or circus tent? If it’s the latter, please forward your address to me ASAP. I’ll head over to share some oral suggestions with you right away.
Diane: Don’t hide it; be proud of it, honey. Salute that flag in your shorts as big and bold as you can and don’t be ashamed. In 40 years that flag will have been blown in the wind so much it may not stand so tall as easily.
Zoey: Try going to one of the “Adult Pools.” Then your tent issues will get you friends, not weird looks.
Sue: If you can’t hide it, draw attention to it by adding decorative streamers or make some extra cash by selling ad space. It’s a “win-win.”
Winnie: Oh my. I just fainted.
Molotovia: Before you go to the pool, pull the first one yourself so you can get a seat close to the action. Remember location, location, location. The best location is on my face.