Reflecting on 2011 and beating the holiday blues

As the end of each year gets near, I begin to notice an overarching theme.

People are getting depressed.

And for many, it’s nothing new. It’s not uncommon for many people to have tendencies  of depression each year around this time.

My ex was one of these people. She would start getting broody right after Thanksgiving. Then it would be a month of increasing darkness leading up to Christmas, so by New Year’s Eve she would be in the crabbiest mood imaginable. Add to that the “need” to make merry and happy for all of those weeks; by New Year’s Eve I would rather run away from her than fall into her arms for a celebratory midnight kiss.
I once asked my ex about it, after living with her dark cloud for a couple of years. She explained it to me like this: by Thanksgiving the year is essentially over. The weeks leading up to the actual year end are filled with parties, end of year reports and shopping frenzies. So, whatever intentions a person started the year with needed to be completed by the end of November.

Wait, what? This sounded off to me, so I decided to ask around. I found that a lot of people feel the same she does.

And then it occurred to me that many people in my LGBT community added another layer to my ex girlfriend’s perception by including relationship dissatisfaction. Either they wished that they were in a relationship, or they were unhappy in an existing relationship.

So this means that people are feeling like failures,unloved or unhappy going into the end of the year. In addition you’ve got all of the regular “life” stuff, like work (or lack there of), bills (paying them or not being able to), etc.

But my question is this: “Isn’t this supposed to be a joyous season of love and giving? Aren’t we supposed to be better at making merry?”

We are gay after all.

I came to this conclusion: it is bullshit!

There is no way I’m going to sit around making myself feel bad, especially when I can be spending my time at an ugly sweater party, laughing my ass off.

In the past year, I have had many wonderful and amazing things happen. Look, here I am writing for the paper of record for gay Denver, (a real dream come true).

I have also lived through a lot of scary and painful things, which haven’t all been resolved yet. However, “good” or “bad” things we experience in life don’t have to diminish the one truly wonderful gift that getting to the end of the year represents: We made it to the end of another year!

We have all gone through some sort of loss. But the most important thing to concentrate on is that we are still here.
No matter what you wanted or hoped for last year, you are given a fresh start January 1.

We all have ambitions. We all have desires. We all have someone who we want to have in our life, romantic or otherwise. My question is, what stopped you this year that you can change for the next year?

Don’t want to start another year smoking, overweight, single, jobless, whatever? Then how are you going to change your perspective to help facilitate that structural change?

I can hear you saying, “Robyn, how can I make someone want to go out with me or give me a job?”
Well, you can’t.

I mean, life is life. I can’t even make my two-year-old nephew sit still long enough to comb his hair. But we can change how we look at the situation. Do you really want to end the year depressed? Has it done anything for you in the past other than ruin a perfectly good excuse for overindulging on cookies, egg nog and champagne in celebration?

People generally indulge with large amounts of alcohol on New Year’s Eve, which doesn’t help the cause. I can’t tell you how many times I have been cornered at a party with someone weeping about whatever didn’t go right in his or her life that year, that week or that night. It usually starts around 12:05 a.m. If you’re weeping in gratitude, I’m there with you sister!

Now, I love that people look to me for advice, solace and light. However sometimes I would much prefer they give themselves a break.
Let’s celebrate living, being gay, loving life and being in community with one another. Crying, lamenting and generally being crabby doesn’t change the fact that the year has happened the way that it did.

So, if you find yourself getting the crabbies, give yourself a good shake, look around with fresh eyes and find something that feels good (even if it’s just the waiter bringing you another cocktail).

Here’s to you, my friends – may your year end in gratitude and joy – hangover free.