On the Move

Moving, for many, can be a dreaded subject. Mention it and you’ll get groans, rolled eyes, and statements like, “Moving sucks!” Moving is change and change is often perceived as bad. Generally speaking, I think it can be one of the best experiences of your life. Moving changes your perspective.

The average person, according to my unscientific Google research, moves between 9 – 12 times in their adult life. This statistic clearly does not take into account some of the lesbians I know. Some people I know have moved at least six times in the five years I’ve known them. I have one friend who pointed out that she was in her last place for five years like it was some huge accomplishment — although, that is a lot longer than any of her relationships, so she might have a point.

I like moving. I admit, getting hot and dirty, exhausted from lifting, pushing and pulling, and generally wearing yourself completely out is not my favorite part. I’m talking about everything else — finding a new place; learning a new neighborhood, city, state, country; making new friends; discovering new parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. Those are the things I love about moving. Any change or shift brings about the same kinds of new experiences.

When change comes without choice, the first reaction is often to reject it outright. This is natural. What comes next is our choice — we either take a breath and figure out how to shift or we never accept it and stay miserable throughout the
entire process.

I’ve never been good at misery. I know that misery loves company. I just don’t like being miserable, so I’m not looking for others to join me. I want this to be over. I want to start feeling better as soon as possible. Something more amazing always arrives as soon as I start feeling better. It is important to note: I’m not saying you can Pollyanna your way through it. You can’t just spend all of your time looking at the bright side expecting things to miraculously be better. I’m just saying that finding the good as quickly as possible can help.

We need to process change. We need to figure out what it means for our lives when we are faced with it. Instead of fighting it, we need to find a way to adjust our thinking. If we can find a way to change our perspective we can give ourselves time; allowing our feelings to shift. I’m not saying you will suddenly be happy about this shift. I’m saying you will find your way through it.

Moves/changes don’t always have to be big to be meaningful. I know people who have changed apartments in the same building and their whole world opened up to new people and new experiences. Regardless of why you are moving or changing, you must first accept that it’s happening.

I truly believe the reason I am able to stay positive in most situations is because I accept that they really are happening. If we reject the change, our first reaction is, “This can’t be happening.” It is. As they say, the first step is acceptance.

Consider this: Every new experience you’ve ever had meant that something changed. The old adage — when one door shuts another opens — can be expanded upon like this: When one door shuts on the apartment you shared with your ex, another door opens to your new corner office because you stopped missing work over some crisis with your ex. How’s that for changing your perspective? Ready to move forward yet?

If the only constant is change, then I say bring it. When you do make that move, I’ll bring the champagne to toast you, because every new move ought to start with champagne.

Ciao for now, Lovelies!