A password will be e-mailed to you.

By Your Crazy Plant-Obsessed High School Science Teacher

One of the deepest, most moving films of the year has recently become available on Netflix. The powerful series Moving Art released its grandest masterpiece Moving Art: Flowers

It’s tempting to take sides with every flower in this movie (especially since there’s no dialogue), but the clear protagonist is the morning glory montage seen about 2/3 of the way through. The antagonist? A fern. An evil fern. 

You may be tempted to watch this movie and be enraptured by the beauty of time lapse photography of flowers growing set to pretty classical music, but don’t be! This movie is a story of the timeless struggle between an up and coming youthful flower and an ancient monstrous fern who has been imbued with the spirit of a T-rex bent on world domination.

fernThe fern is at a clear advantage, having spent most of evolution staying the same.  Go with what works, right? Plus, T-Rexes are one of the most badass dinosaurs to ever exist and their reincarnated souls are some of the most ferocious — just ask my grandma whom I’ve been certain is a reincarnated T-rex since I was 3.

Well, don’t count the morning glory out just yet. This fighter may have had to evolve later in history, but it evolved stronger and more mysteriously (the classification of morning glory families are constantly in flux.) Plus, it evolved to be on the human side of the great human vs. dinosaur war and has been used for its laxative and hallucinogenic properties for centuries.

The battle is a subtle one, as the plants never actually end up interacting, but a keen eye will notice the slow methodical growth of the fern as a warning sign of a psychopathic T-Rex, daring any other plant to grow as well as he did.

The brave morning glory responds with beautiful “calling the fern a wimp” firework-display-like unfurling of its petals. Oooh boy, looks like there’s gonna be a turf war at this point.  Fighting words have been thrown, and forces of good and evil are brewing up a major storm.

This film comes highly recommended for anyone who has a talent for seeing stories where there aren’t any — schizophrenics, people high on drugs, 3 year-olds. Otherwise, it’s a great movie to watch when doing some reading or cleaning your living room. I won’t give away the ending, because I’m still not 100% sure there is one, but I can tell you that the tone is quite somber.  Damn you, evolution.

Your Crazy Plant-Obsessed High School Science Teacher is still working at your old high school. They’re sad you never visited, but they probably don’t remember you anymore anyway.  They might vaguely recognize you as that old student who once accidentally farted in the middle of their lecture about the Krebs Cycle.