Have cyberspace confidence as a gay man

My online patience is quickly running out. I have wasted so much time trying to connect with people and have gotten burned so many times. There are times where it seems like conversations are going well and then it goes nowhere. I thought it was supposed to help people meet each other, but I feel more alone and disconnected than I did before everyone was online. What am I doing wrong or are websites just a really bad place to meet good people?

My general philosophy is that you can meet amazing people almost anywhere, even online. Please keep in mind that effective online conversations should help to get you offline and out enjoying life. I have received many emails expressing frustrations about being online and the general lack of success many people feel in connecting with others. The online culture is such a large part of our community and can be a very complicated environment to navigate successfully for many people. It can definitely be used effectively for meeting friends, making dates, or hooking up. There are so many elements, techniques and pitfalls to address, so this will be the first part in a series of discussions on this topic.

Like many things we experience in our lives, tools are neither good nor bad, positive or negative. They should be defined by the way they can be used to benefit us and to help create the outcomes that we want. An online presence is like this as well and has many aspects that are either beneficial or frustrating to us as individuals and as a community. There are many great potential outcomes that can happen when communicating online. You can talk to a gorgeous, charismatic doctor from Berlin or have a webcam session with a muscle guy from Miami. These situations may not be otherwise possible depending on where you live or how much money you have to travel. These people may not live in the same city, go to the same places, or have mutual friends in common with you, but your interaction can provide something meaningful. Unfortunately, many times this potential does not translate well into the real world – to meet personally – if the people are in a geographically undesirable location.

It doesn’t matter if a website is geared toward social marketing, specific interests, or hooking up. The only promise that any of these sites hold is the potential of helping people connect. You can find love or friendship on a hookup site or get laid from a connection you made on a social networking site. You never know whom you can find, but here are some things to keep in mind that can increase your chances of meeting someone awesome while protecting yourself from the pitfalls.

I have talked about the importance of maintaining a positive attitude when it comes to dating – and being online is no exception. If you’re not enjoying it, chances are that you are feeling a certain way about your time online, becoming detrimental to your success. Feeling grumpy, bitter, self-loathing, aggressive or desperate will most likely communicate that same impression to others and give you the same low success rate as if you did it physically in front of someone.

As with any attempt to connect with another person, there are opportunities for potential rejection or disappointment, but there are also opportunities to meet some amazing people. You may actually find someone of quality for companionship, hot sex or dating.  There is no limit to the possibilities you can find. Don’t shoot down a method of finding someone great just because you are bitter about past experiences or think that you are better than those who are meeting people online. We are all looking for those things in our lives that make us feel great. Don’t give up.

You can also take some time and evaluate what you have done in the past and how you can try different methods in the future. Don’t keep trying the same unsuccessful tactics and then complain about how people still suck. There are always opportunities to change and improve your skills when it comes to connecting with people, be it in person or online. Throughout the summer I am going to be touching on the many aspects of online culture that have caused frustrations for many of us. By having a discussion about this, you will be able to create more effective profiles, have better exchanges and gain more confidence.

Cyberspace doesn’t have to be an unhappy place.