Gay is the New Boring

I never thought it would happen — gay has finally become ho-hum, dull, blah, bland. Gay is the new boring.

Gay used to be so exciting. We were all double agents, secretly flaunting our fabulous gay lives by night and covering up with our Clark Kent and Lois Lane suits by day. We all had something hidden that very few knew about, not our co-workers, not our classmates, and many times not even our parents. It was thrilling and an adrenaline rush.

Do they know? Can they tell? Do you think they will find out? Will I slip up by leaving out my copy of 1001 Fun Things to Do with a Dildo on the coffee table when grandma pops over for an unannounced visit? We all had a BIG SECRET and it was thrilling.

We were living on the edge, both figuratively and literally. We had our gay ghettos, our gayborhoods, our unmarked bars and bathhouses. We ruled the late dance scene with our discos and drag clubs. If the straights wanted to have fun, they had to dip their toes into our crazy and outrageous world.

We could devote time to our bodies, our pets, our hobbies and our bank accounts. Children were not leeching our time and money with their soccer games and college tuition. We were free spirits with very few responsibilities and lots of time for frolicking and fun.

We could shock our friends and families by coming out of the closet. Oh what fun it was to surprise those that could not see the forest for the trees. Hello, big red gay truck. How could you miss it? I’m a big homo. I’m a big lesbo.

But now gay is as common as anal beads. Everyone has one or three. And if they don’t, they know someone who does.

Gay is everywhere from the local PTA to the county clerk and recorders office. Gays adopt and give birth, gays get married, gays get elected. We have become like everyone else. And it’s turning into one big snooze fest.

I did not come out of the closet to be boring. I did not become a drag queen to be another contestant on a TV show. I came out to shock people, to make them cringe, to make them squirm, to make them realize not everyone fits the same mold. I came out as a drag queen to make people laugh, to keep them from taking themselves too seriously, to raise boatloads of money for charity.

Being gay means we are different. Being gay means we are creative. Being gay means we are NOT BORING.

Equal rights and acceptance is a double-edged sword. The problem is that both edges get dull, dull, dull. It’s time to sharpen our deliciousness, sharpen our wit, sharpen our sense of fun. We need to derail the gay train headed to suburbia and get it back on the fabulous track. Let’s make it our resolution for 2014 to ban boring and embrace creativity, camp and fun. Let’s put the gay back into gay.