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As the haze of new sativa sales’ smoke clears before our Colorado eyes, I see before us two roads, much like the poet Robert Frost.

Our Rocky Mountain roads are “grassy and wanting wear” and filled with holes, pot holes.

We must adjust to our new life — a life filled with a now-legal substance with the power to propel us down the high road…or the
low road.

I was chatting to a friend on the phone the other day and he erupted into a fit of coughing.

“Sorry, someone just handed me a hash pipe and I couldn’t resist,” he choked out.

That’s when I realized my friend was wasted. It was Monday afternoon and he was just getting his day started, if you call waking and baking at 2:00 p.m. a great start. He had blown off work for the day since he had been partying Sunday afternoon and into the night. Bless his heart.

Finding the right balance of living and getting stoned is going to be a tough balance for many. So to assist, I put together Nuclia Waste’s Guide to Living With Your New Sister, Mary Jane.

 

1. Mary Jane Motivation (or the lack of)

For some, pot is a stimulant. I have a friend who gets stoned and cleans his three-story house from top to bottom in two hours flat. His roommate, however, will sit on that newly cleaned couch, watching reruns of SpongeBob Squarepants into the wee hours of the morning. Know how weed effects your motivation and plan accordingly.

 

2. Herb Humor

Everything seems funnier when you are stoned, including what’s coming out of your mouth. The only way to know for sure is to write it all down and read it later, stone cold sober. Was it really funny? Congrats. Get yourself to the Comedy Works stage pronto. Was it only funny in your mind’s eye? Get stoned again and keep on giggling. Your other stoner friends make the best audience.

3. Weed Weight Control 

Everything tastes SO much better when you are high. But if you want to keep your girlish figure, gracing the covers of Glamour, Vanity Fair and the New England Journal of Medicine, watch those calories. And be careful of the Double Whammy. When the munchies kick in, do not reach for the hash-infused chocolate bar.

 

4. Two Highs Do Not Make A Right 

You should either be stoned or drunk, but not both. Sure, getting stoned after your drunk SOUNDS like a great idea at the time, but so does driving a car, dialing up that ex boyfriend/girlfriend and petting that cute growling pit bull. Pick one and stick to it. Otherwise, it’s Hot Mess City which is never pretty.

 

5. Sativa Goddess of Sex

A little bit of pot can make you feel like the porn star you were born to be. Your sense of touch, smell and taste is enhanced. (Everything tastes SO much better when you are high, remember?) But too much ganja will make you limper than a tortilla on the bottom of the Casa Bonita dive pool. Pace yourself if you want to be the next Rick Donovan.

So, to paraphrase Mr. Frost…

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took… the high road.

Happy toking!