Ask the Sexpert: Say it before you play it

Dear Shanna, 

It’s always awkward for me to bring up using a condom during oral sex with guys that I am hooking up with, but it’s very important to me to use protection, even during blow jobs. Any suggestions?

– Wanna Wrap That Sucker, Highlands Ranch

Dear Wanna Wrap That Sucker,

This is something that can be a tough conversation for folks. Although we’ve done a pretty good job as a community talking about condom use for intercourse, we’ve really missed the mark on talking about safer sex during oral. Whether you’re using a condom for fellatio or a dam/saran wrap for cunnilingus, using protection while going down is one way to keep safer sex even safer. While the possibility of HIV transmission is very low with oral, other sexually transmitted infections (like herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc) are much more common.

Make a rule of it for yourself – remind yourself that this is important to you and that you don’t want to back down, regardless if that means that sex is off the table. Let potential partners know how important it is to you to practice safer sex during oral, and what your reasons are. My hope would be that if people know that you want to protect both you and them, they’d be more open. If you’re having issues with people being turned off by the condom convo, you also have the option of learning to cheek a condom, and apply it with your mouth. If their objection is the way it feels, put a few drops of lube inside the condom before you apply it, to increase sensation.

Importantly, you get to decide what you need to feel most comfortable. If other people don’t want to accept that, then they will just have to miss out on sex with you. Lots of people will be supportive of your choice around protection, and they’re the ones that deserve the pleasure of your company.