Ask the sexpert: My girlfriend masturbates all the time!

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a queer, kinky, board certified…

Dear Shanna:

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We have a good sex life (she’s really good in bed) but she still masturbates like two or three times a week. What am I doing wrong? Does this mean I’m not able to fulfill her sexuality?

– Concerned in Commerce City

CICC–

Great question, and I have good news for you; lots and lots and lots of people masturbate, whether or not they are in a relationship, or having sex with partners. They might masturbate because one partner has a much higher sex drive than another, or because some people use masturbation to explore turn-ons and fantasies they have that their partners might not be into (or that they don’t want to share with them). Some people even masturbate because it helps them relax, or get to sleep.

If you’re worried about your girlfriend not feeling sexually fulfilled, why not ask her if there is any more she’d like to try sexually, or if she feels good with the sex you’re having and the amount of it. If she’s feeling good about it, then it is not your place to be worried about it. Instead, consider asking if you could masturbate alongside her, or maybe help out with some kissing, nipple play, etc.

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna? Email ShannaKatz@gmail.com. Questions are kept anonymous.

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Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a queer, kinky, board certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author. From topics like vaginal fisting to non-monogamy, and oral sex to how sexuality and dis/ability intersect, she talks, writes and teaches about the huge spectrum of sexuality, both from personal and professional perspectives. She’s using her Master’s of Sexuality Education to provide accessible, open-source sex education to people around the country. For more info, please visit her sexuality education site, ShannaKatz.com.