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Hi Shanna,

I’m a lesbian in my late 50s, and have already gone through “the change” (that’s menopause, for those not in the know). I noticed that there are some differences both physically and with my sex drive, and was wondering if you had any advice on how to re-set my “on” button.

Needing Lube and a Tune Up in Longmont

Dear Needing Lube and a Tune Up –

Welcome to the wonderful world of sexuality, where your physiology and your psychology change many times through your lifespan. Many women of any sexual orientation report two big changes around their sexuality during and after menopause: one is producing significantly less natural lubricant, and the other a decreased sex drive.

If these are issues for you, here are some solutions. First, swing by your friendly Fascinations, Romantix or even Babeland.com to pick up a bottle or two of lube. For lube more similar to your natural lubricant (and compatible with all sex toys) stick with a water–based lube, preferably glycerin free since many women have glycerin sensitivities.

Regarding sex drive, my first question is whether it bothers you. If you’re happy with your level of interest and arousal, than you are doing fine, even if it is less than it used to be. But if your changed sex drive (or lack of) bothers you, one option is to talk to your doctor about HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or look up natural and herbal remedies to get your hormones back in balance. Another option is redefining what sensuality, intimacy and sex mean to you. Maybe you’re not up for five-hour sex sessions, but five-hour massages or one–hour sex sessions still work. Others have found that being active increases sex drive, so consider taking up running, yoga, roller derby or some other form of exercise that interests you.

Happy to hear you’re still exploring your sexuality.

– Shanna