A thick pillow and earplugs!

Dear Cycle Sluts,

My boyfriend and I are celebrating our first month anniversary together. Because of me being ‘over-endowed,’ I’ve not been able to satisfy him anally. Any suggestions to prepare him for my big anniversary package?

Signed, “Ready or Not, Here I Come!”

Zoey Diddim: Celebrate all week and give him a gift each night: Six different-sized butt plugs leading up to your mammoth. Or you can dump him and just call me!

Molotovia Cocktail: Lube, lube, lube!

Juana Mann: Start with a small candy cane and work your way up to the big candy sticks.  If that doesn’t work, at least he’ll be minty fresh!

Winnie Bego: Forget him! I want that big package!

Rolonda Flor: A bottle of Jack, a Xanax and a big tub of Crisco.

Freeda Fondle:  Lube baby, lube.

Bea Dazzle:  Buy a thick pillow and earplugs.

Sassy Squatch: Sweetie, the best advice I can give is to be patient and take your time. Work him up to it! Remember, if you start off with a Wham Bam all you’ll do is rip his can!

Editor’s Note: Crisco is not safe to use with latex condoms, which are weakened by oil-based lubricant. Use a water or silicone-based lubricant instead.