The Other Side of Kimora Blac

We all know Kimora Blac as an iconic contestant on Season Nine of RuPaul’s Drag Race and a prominent beauty influencer, but do we know much about the man behind the makeup? Don’t worry, neither does she.

Outside of the drag lifestyle and online persona, Kimora is known as Von Nguyen—a husband, son, and proud gay, Asian American man. In October, she released a 20-minute video on YouTube sharing her journey and personal struggles of discovering who Von truly is. Creating Kimora has provided Nguyen a shield from rejection and fear, and he has lived most of his adult life behind the eccentric and confident personality. 

Hoping to reconnect with his masculine side, Nguyen is ready to show the world that he and Kimora are a package deal. He spoke more with OFM about how he has been silently battling to balance the two identities for a while. 

What made you feel like now was the time to open up about your personal struggles with discovering who Von is?
It has been a journey, and there have been lots of questions within myself. I am 33 years old; I have been doing drag and playing with makeup since I was 16, and I was around 13 the first time I put on makeup. Growing up in that aspect and environment, I don’t want to say I was confused or wasn’t sure of myself. I knew who I was—an Asian American boy that is feminine and loves makeup. Luckily, I was very blessed to start doing shows and drag. 

I worked at a cosmetic store my whole life, and then becoming a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race, I have always been around makeup, but living life in drag has almost become a daily occurrence. It is getting to a point where I am almost having an identity crisis because I barely see myself out of drag. It is to the point where I don’t even go out the door or go out to a social setting out of drag, unless it’s something like dinner with my partner. 

I have received a lot of questions asking if I am trans, if I am transitioning, and what I go by. I am more than just my drag persona, but who is on the other side of the makeup? I get so stuck and almost insecure to show myself as a boy. I am so used to Kimora, this person I created to hide my insecurities. I created her to be the ultimate “woman” that I want to be. However, I am stuck in the middle because I don’t want to be Kimora permanently. I don’t see Kimora when I am, for example, going to the gas station or getting coffee. That is not my lifestyle, so that told me, no, I am not trans. That is not who I am as a person. 

I talked to several of my trans sisters and asked, “Have you heard of a story like mine before?” They were like, “No. This is different. This is an identity crisis where you are almost living a double life.” So, I talked to my team, and they were like, “Go for it.” This is something that needs to be said because it is almost unheard of. 

Has the video received a positive response?
Surprisingly, yes. I have had so many colleagues of mine and people that are kind of suffering from the same thing. It’s incredible because I didn’t know if my issue was an issue, but a lot of my colleagues have said, “I go through the same thing; I don’t know what to do out of drag; I work in it 24/7 and have no idea how to even act without being on stage or in that performance armor.” I am not a vulnerable person, but I am very happy I did the video.

This has been very therapeutic as well. Starting to find myself is a good feeling. Like, am I going to live this cartoon, make-believe lifestyle that I created, or am I going to finally be who I am, be true to myself, and find out who Von is? It’s insane because I don’t even know how to describe myself to people. Introducing myself in a public setting, it is almost awkward because I don’t know how to act. I am a proud Asian American, feminine boy, but it is hard to present myself like that to the world because of all the insecurities that I go through. 

Can you talk more about how Kimora initially began and manifested?
She began because I was very scared of being gay. The only gay person I knew was me, and I am calling it gay because that’s what everyone would understand it as, but I knew I was definitely not the same as everyone else in my class or family. Back then, you were either a boy or girl. I didn’t know trans, nonbinary, or any of these other terms because we really didn’t grow up with them. We didn’t read books that explained it, and social media hadn’t evolved yet, so you couldn’t really educate yourself. 

I started doing drag and getting into makeup being like, I am going to be a girl, then I created Kimora by the time I was 18 because I started doing shows. For some reason, when I would have on a wig and dress, I was more accepted. It was as if it was OK for me to be feminine and gay if I had a wig on, versus me just being a gay boy. I wasn’t your typical hot guy; I wasn’t your typical buff guy or anything like that because that wasn’t my interest. My interest was being fully feminine, and I loved it, but it was more OK to be that in drag, because everyone lives for you. I got so addicted to that lifestyle that I ran with it for years. 

In the video, you were struggling to answer who Von truly is. Is that question still up in the air?
As of now, yes. I know who he is in terms of being with my partner and family, but other than that, not in social settings, or even the way I dress. When I go shopping, I go straight to the dresses. I don’t even know how to dress as a guy.

You also talk about your struggles with your family. Have they seen the video?
I don’t know if they have. My family is very aware of my channels and my social media platforms, and they are very accepting. We are not a close-close family, but we are very understanding. We all live very far from each other, but my mother loves me dearly. Being Vietnamese American, it is kind of hard to have conversations with your family because you have to kind of take that extra step to explain it. 

My mom understands what gay is, but if I brought up terms like nonbinary or trans, you would have to take that extra step to explain it because she is not aware of what it means. I know if I did spend the hours explaining it to her, she would probably understand, but it’s like, do I want to go that extra step? Right now, we are so good. She loves me and is very aware of my drag persona. In her house, there is a picture of me on Drag Race, and my brother in the Marines. 

What about your partner? Did you meet him as Von?
Yes. When we first met, I was very standoffish only because I didn’t want to explain my lifestyle, and that had to do with my insecurities. He asked what I liked to do for fun and what I did for a living. I did not explain anything about drag because when you explain to someone that you do drag, it is very scary. It’s the fear of rejection because automatically, we are at the bottom of the barrel. There are a lot of guys who don’t want to talk to us. So, knowing that, I did not want to explain it.

After that, I kind of stopped talking to him, and I wasn’t trying to date anyone at the time. Then I did a show in Las Vegas, and he was there with his friend and some co-workers. I came out on stage in drag, and he knew it was me. My tattoos are very memorable, so he knew it was me, and I was so embarrassed. I was like, oh my God, I didn’t tell this guy, and he is standing in the front row tipping me. This is nuts. 

What are some future goals you would like to achieve as Kimora and Von?
For Von, I would like to find out more about what he can do with his creative side. Obviously, Kimora will still be here, but I just hope to become more comfortable with just being me. Maybe I can do something like Todrick Hall where I can be gay, open, and amazing. I really want to see that for Von, and even though a lot of people do support me as Von, it is still hard to hear that.

As for Kimora, she is going to continue to thrive. Hopefully, she will begin her own cosmetic line soon. Because I was into makeup growing up, I would love to share that with people who want to thrive in that aspect too. I would also love to learn more about my heritage. I barely know my background, and I grew up in a house where we spoke English every day. My family is very Americanized. 

Obviously, the world was first introduced to you when you competed on Season 9 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. If asked to compete again, would you?
Yes. I would definitely want to compete again. 

Before we wrap up, are there any other upcoming projects or anything else you would like to mention or plug?
I take it month by month, but a lot of stuff is coming in for me as Kimora. Lots of tours at the end of the year. So, pay attention to my platforms, and I may be in a city near you. My partner and I also just came out with a new candle line called Scentual Taboo. This is our baby and we have been planning this candle line for a long time because we are candle obsessed. We hope it will go where it needs to go.

As for Von, I am not sure what’s in store for him, but I think 2022 will be a good year for him. 

Connect and stay up-to-date with Kimora by following her on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

Photos Courtesy of Kimora Blac and Social Media