The new era of spiritual inclusivity: LGBT spirituality plentiful in Denver

In September 2010, openly gay advice columnist Dan Savage sat down with his partner, Terry Miller, in front of a camera. The two vulnerably shared the grueling details of their pasts – what it meant for them to grow up as gay men. Their ultimate message to the LGBT community was one we’ve heard reiterated again and again, held up by sometimes painful stories of individuals across the United States. It is a message we need to keep hearing: it does get better.

Savage and Miller, along with hundreds of advocates, have tapped into a surge of support for young LGBT individuals trying to find themselves in the early years of puberty, high school and beyond. But what the It Gets Better Project has not focused on is the struggle of these same individuals to find a welcoming and embracing spiritual home. It is, without a doubt, incumbent on society as a whole to accept and support LGBT individuals in all walks of life. But it is also important for faith communities to know how important their role is in supporting each of these people’s growth and development.

In the face of lingering hatred and sometimes persistent prejudice, faith communities in greater Denver are intentionally opening their doors. There are great and growing numbers of those that affirm LGBT individuals – not identified by their sexuality, but by their personhood, blessed with eminent gifts, talents and the incredible capacity for ridiculous love. It is a big step beyond ostracizing theologies and once-were church judgments from on high.

This article is one small attempt to call out those communities whose doors are flung wide open, and whose leaders are extending an honest, genuine welcome. As affirmation grows, so, too, do the faith communities meant to be places of refuge, safety and comfort. To these, and to all who work in religious contexts as advocates and allies, we offer our thanks and gratitude. Because of you, we have taken so many steps forward in the enduring march to true equality.

 “ … for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” – Romans 13:8

The question of LGBT inclusivity in religious communities isn’t always about shouting affirmations or creating spaces of worship designed solely for the LGBT community. For Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber and her mission church, House for All Sinners and Saints, being gay is just part of the human spiritual equation.

“The mission of our church isn’t overtly gay-friendly. It’s just part of our DNA. Eight people started the church, and three of them happened to be queer,” she laughed.

Unlike LGBT affirming mainline churches with a mission explicitly in support of LGBT individuals’ involvement in religious community, HFASS was created so that anyone could participate – without having to break off pieces of themselves. “Basically, I wanted to start a church that my friends (and myself) wouldn’t have to culturally commute to go to,” Bolz-Weber said. “I wanted to build a Christian community where I didn’t feel like I needed to bracket out parts of myself or who I was to be in community. It was an earnest attempt at a ‘come as you are’ environment, and I think it’s been successful.”

On Sunday evenings, HFASS members gather at St. Thomas Episcopal Church near City Park – a sister community – for traditional Lutheran worship. There’s Eucharist, there’s a sermon, readings, members of the community write prayers and poetry is read. The community is indeed Christocentric, but is in tune with the merging of church tradition and modern life. Keenly aware of members’ spiritual needs, Bolz-Weber has encouraged those who have joined the community to plan events that fill in the spiritual gaps.

Contemplative prayer and matins recall long-established church traditions, while outreach to Rainbow Alley on Saturdays – HFASS volunteers cook the kids homemade meals – and a “theology pub” held at bars and restaurants across the city open doors to active social justice and parsing of church teaching.

In the midst of this burgeoning ministry – and without an iota of guilt-Bolz-Weber eschews mission statements that hone in on sexuality. “The thing about HFASS is that sexuality is not an issue,” she says. “We don’t fly a big rainbow flag. It’s not a huge part of our identity. It’s part of our humor more than anything else, and it’s part of our celebration.”

HFASS’s unabashed choice not to proclaim themselves as LGBT-friendly has, perhaps strangely, served the gay community quite well. While the community is not predominantly gay, Bolz-Weber says that maybe 30-40-percent of regularly attending members identify at LGBT. “It’s true, I do a lot of one-on-one with folks struggling with their sexuality,” she said. “It’s kind of a spiritual triage.” But then, there are other things to focus on for Bolz-Weber, and it’s the acceptance of a complete humanity-in all forms-that has endeared HFASS so greatly to LGBT individuals.

“You know,” Bolz-Weber smiles, “People are really grateful that we aren’t making sexuality a big thing.”

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Nestled among the homes on Capitol Hill and steps away from Cheesman Park sits the Avalokiteshvara Buddhist Center, a home to those living out the teachings of the Kadampa tradition – a practice that combines all of the Buddhist teachings. At its core: compassion and acceptance.

“We do a combination of spiritual practices,” Buddhist Teacher Ruth Borri explained. “Meditation, as well as chant and prayers. In addition – and just as important, we do ‘subsequent practice,’ which is taking Buddhist practice into everyday life. This is how we develop minds of loving-kindness and compassion towards others.”

The principles of Buddhism as a whole lean toward openness and acceptance – attractive qualities for those needing a spiritual home. For LGBT individuals, ABC has been a place of warm embrace and welcome.

“We accept all lifestyles here,” Borri said. “Our main goal is spiritual practice, and many gay and lesbian people practice at ABC because they know we are an inclusive center. Gender identity is not really a concern. Buddhists believe in reincarnation, after all – which encompasses many forms and identities.”

Borri explained that sexuality is not really a focus of Kadampa Buddhist practice, but that it makes up the personhood of an individual, and that all individuals are always welcome to join in meditation and spiritual practice.

For many in the LGBT community, relationship with other spiritual people on similar faith journeys is paramount. While the spiritual family that has been formed at ABC is a strong community, it doesn’t come together in the way Christian communities do – a refreshing change for many who have known predominantly Christian traditions.

“Every individual in Buddhism has to attain enlightenment,” Borri explained. “Enlightenment is the path of the individual, but it is dependent upon others. Enlightenment is sought because we want to free all living things from suffering. Our actions affect the happiness and well-being of those around us. That is where we find our connections.”

Beyond this fundamental relationship, Borri said ABC enjoys what is called “sangha,” or a spiritual community of practitioners – individuals who are striving for the same enlightenment. “We support each other by giving spiritual advice, which Buddhist practitioners couldn’t likely get from non-Buddhists,” she said. “We also offer each other guidance on material and everyday matters.”

Ultimately, one’s sexuality plays no major part in Buddhist practices. Many of the LGBT individuals who practice at ABC enjoy that – knowing that they are not defined by who they love, but that they strive to love everyone.

“Sexuality is a part of human nature, so we don’t make a judgment about it,” Borri said. “We accept all lifestyles here. The Buddhist philosophy is: develop loving-kindness and compassion for everybody – whoever they may be.”

 “I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.” – Acts 24:16

Many churches begin their journey not by mission, but by order through a hierarchy. Bishops confer with bishops and new congregations are born out of the fabric of existing denominations.

Highlands Church was different, however. In September of 2009, Minister Mark Tidd branched out from his original faith community – the Christian Reformed Church – and began a small church in the young neighborhood of Denver’s Highlands.

“The pivotal moment of my own reform occurred seven years ago while I was a pastor in Boulder,” Tidd said. couple came up to me after service and told me about one of their daughters, Haley. They both looked troubled, like they had just seen a ghost.”

As Tidd recalls, the couple related the story of how their young daughter had – since the age of three – articulated a gender identity outside the norm. Haley’s parents thought she was just kidding when she said she was a boy, dismissing her clearly expressed gender identity. By the age of 7, Haley had developed suicidal ideation as a result of repressed identity, and though she continually insisted that her parents use “he” and “him” in conversation, calling her “Hal,” they dismissed the proposition. Things quickly got worse. Desperate to find peace for their daughter, Haley’s parents finally asked what they could possibly do to take away her pain. All she said was: “Believe me when I tell you that I am a boy.”

What followed for these two loving parents – and for Tidd in his congregation – was a time of learning and acceptance. Hal became a part of the community, not as “she” had originally been labeled, but as he came to understand himself. Acceptance grew until Hal’s parents asked Tidd, in a moment of concern: “Will there ever be a time when you will have to stop supporting us?”

The question was piercing, and forced Tidd to re-evaluate the theologies he had been taught and the conservative Christian tradition of which he was a part. If the day came for Hal to get married, Tidd’s tradition – Reformed Christianity – would not be able to support the union. Tidd wasn’t about to walk that path.

And so, in 2007, Tidd left his church, and because of his support and inclusiveness, was ultimately defrocked in 2009.

That wasn’t the end of the story, however. Determined to build a community where all were welcome, Tidd set out to found Highlands Church. Today, not two years after its inception, the community flourishes in a way Tidd never could have imagined.

“Every Sunday, we read aloud a passage that serves as a sort of mission statement, as a statement of welcome to all people,” he explained. “We affirm that we are one family, embracing conservative and liberal ideals, all sexualities, all people. It’s truly a model of ridiculous love.”

Though Highlands Church has blossomed through Tidd’s vision and open-armed embrace, the community that has grown organically was never defined by sexuality, or by any other single characteristic. As a matter of fact, Tidd estimates that only half of the church’s 500-some members are gay. “I hear LGBT individuals say both in and outside community that they don’t need a special church focused on LGBT inclusion. They just need a loving, dynamic community that embraces them for who they are.”

And the embrace at Highlands Church is constant and warm. When it comes to social justice – a ministry near and dear to the hearts of many faithful LGBT members – Tidd said there is a lot of grassroots involvement. “There is no hierarchy here,” he said. “We are a community from which come many ideas and many ministries.”

While Highlands Church has indeed built a reputation as inclusive – hosting symposia and events that bring together the evangelical Christian community and the LGBT community – it is more than just a haven for gay or transgender individuals cast out by church and religion.

“Many folks come in here and find there is healing and welcome in the community itself. I do help individuals through the transition from oppressive religious teaching to accepting theologies – we have even offered groups focused on this very thing – but every wounded person that comes to Highlands Church ultimately finds peace in community, in the people of all backgrounds that make up our spiritual family.”

It is without a doubt that the heart of Highlands Church is a focus on each whole person as they come together in community. “It’s not just that we’re a gay-friendly church,” Tidd said. “We believe this is a place where scripture speaks to us, but we need to interpret it for us, today. We need to continue discerning where our faith life is leading us. Everyone is on that journey.”

 “G-d prays, as it says ‘I will make them happy in the house of My prayer.’” – Isaiah

“It’s my experience that out LGBT individuals who are a part of our community have no issue finding acceptance and participation in community. Sexuality isn’t really a consideration. They’re all welcome to lead service, speak and pray.” In the words of Assistant Rabbi Jay TelRav, Temple Sinai is a place where once male-dominated Judaism has moved to include women, LGBT individuals and others.

“A few years ago, a women’s Torah commentary came out and offered a wonderful new perspective. There are also LGBT commentaries,” he said, encouraged by the fresh view on age-old texts.

“The Reform Jewish tradition more and more has been hearing the voices of women and LGBT individuals. For thousands of years, our texts held the voices of straight male voices. That’s really changing,” he affirmed.

As TelRav explained, the Reform Jewish movement has a relatively autonomous relationship to tradition: “The more liberal the movement in Judaism, the more personal autonomy is claimed in relationship to tradition. In our context, we look at what tradition has to say, but we don’t consider it law.” This has opened up the door to inclusion of LGBT individuals, and those whose voices were not loudly heard – or heard at all.

“When I’m delivering my sermons or teaching,” TelRav said, “I’m speaking to everyone and I’m thinking about all of those who will hear my message.” For TelRav, and for Temple Sinai, that means making LGBT individuals fully embraced members of the community – and knowing that they, too, will be sharing in the messages of the Torah.

 “When they heard about all he was doing, many people came to him … ” – Mark 3:8

“We are, by our nature, LGBT-friendly,” Pastor Jim Burns of the Metropolitan Community Church of the Rockies said, affirming: “We’re easily 90-percent LGBT.”

MCC of the Rockies has long been a refuge for LGBT individuals in greater Denver. It is a home for those who want to move past religious prejudices and into a community where being gay or transgender is normative.

“One option for LGBT individuals is to go to a mainstream church that is open and affirming, and another is to be among other LGBT folks,” Burns explained. “We don’t really have to say we’re affirming here – you can see it when you come to each service. There are couples with arms around each other, couples walking hand-in-hand. It’s just who we are.”

When it comes to tradition and theology, MCC draws from every conceivable background. “We have a large percentage of former Roman Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, Methodists, Unitarian Universalists, Pentecostals – everyone, really. We try to draw from the best of those traditions and make ourselves unique.”

Much like other LGBT-inclusive churches in Denver, MCC is trying to open the door to each member’s authenticity. There is no pedestal, no hierarchy. Burns himself admits that part of the joy of pastoring the community here is finding answers to life’s tough questions alongside church members. “I have the same the issues and questions as anyone else, and we’re all in this together,” he confessed. “It’s from the community where the support we need comes.”

Understandably, a major part of MCC’s mission is helping people who are raised or indoctrinated in oppressive traditions to fully embrace themselves as children of God. “There are people who come and tell us stories about their pasts – about having to hide their sexuality,” Burns lamented. “We like to see ourselves as the antidote to that – just by being who we are. People know that you can come and be authentic at MCC.”

For Burns, as for his community, being authentic means not putting on a different face when you come to church. There is a continuity of community at MCC, where the relationships built within the church community extend into everyday life. “I often have dinner with members,” Burns smiled. “We hang out quite a bit. We’re friends, not just fellow church-goers.”

The essence of MCC’s theology can be summed up in one very simple theological statement, proffered by Burns himself: “God speaks through everyone. Everyone who comes is important. Everyone has a piece of the message.”

In an effort to encourage the growth of community as a place where LGBT individuals can worship without fear of judgment, MCC offers a remarkably upbeat environment. “It’s just so positive and affirming,” Burns said proudly. “There’s wonderful pop music playing, wonderful messages. And the community itself is so diverse – racially, economically, socially and in the spectrum of age.”

MCC is keenly aware of the call to social justice, as well. The church’s food pantry feeds 400-500 families a month, while involvement in the Colorado Council of Churches and local groups like Capitol Hill United Ministries extends its reach to the community at large.

“A major part of what we do is helping people in all walks of life,” Burns explained of the church’s growing ministry. “That’s the sort of community we’ve become – affirming for ourselves, and affirming in our outreach.”

For Burns, and for those who have become part of the family of MCC of the Rockies, there is absolutely a way to be Christian and fully oneself – regardless of sexual identity or personal history. Within this community, being fully “self” is the only way to worship, and the only way to live a true Christian life.