Plain Rainbows: Giving a Face to the Faceless

The story of being queer, out and Christian, and not fully accepted or loved, is a familiar one in our community, unfortunately. Parents learning their child is queer choose to try conversion therapy or pray the gay away, instead of accepting their child as they are. 

But, in these situations, the child still has options: a community at school, online resources, and information from media showing them that they are not alone. For the formerly Plain, the Anabaptists of the queer community, those options are not a reality. 

“It’s obvious that we exist, but it’s also obvious that there’s no space within an Amish community or Plain community for us to exist, without judgment, persecution,” explains Mary Byler, CEO of The Misfit Amish, LLC. 

You see, for Amish folks and other Anabaptists, there’s no access to community through technology or chosen family, at least not in most cases. And there’s no getting your family to come around—there’s complete shunning. In some cases, the only reason to bring a queer child into the outside world is to send them to conversion therapy. 

“We are shunned, whether they call it excommunication, or whatever they call it,” she explains. “They say it’s done out of love, but you don’t show your children that you love them by completely cutting them off and only talking to them to tell them to return to the ways of their youth or they’re going to Hell, threatening them with hellfire and brimstone. The shunning I’ve experienced was complete and utter. I have not sat down to eat with my family in 17 years, and my egg donor told me it would be better that I were dead than living like this.” 

The Amish experience, Byler explains, is complete. Often, even youth with jobs have their funds taken, and in some Anabaptist communities, there isn’t even running water or electricity. And there aren’t levels of acceptance for queer youth, from outright celebration to a demand for reform. There is only shunning. 

“Shunning kills because it isolates people; it tells them they’re not worthy of having been loved by their family members,” she says. “It’s a conditional form of control and manipulation by the church and your family to return to the ways of your youth, so they can once again control you and make you do whatever they want you to do. It’s equivalent to saying you’re not worthy of love unless you do these things. Many people struggle with suicidal thoughts, or even go so far as to have attempts. That is why shunning kills.” 

And the children who are shunned often don’t have the skills necessary to join the rest of the world. In addition to having been isolated from technology and popular culture, Byler explains that many Amish people speak English as a second language, mainly speaking Swiss, German, or Pennsylvania Dutch at home and in their communities. Pennsylvania Dutch is a spoken-only language, so trying to translate or learn to communicate with the outside world can be incredibly difficult. 

Additionally, in some cases, even when people from Plain communities leave their religious families, they experience a different kind of shunning even from formerly religious communities. Byler criticizes ex-Amish folks who now espouse conservative views, speaking out against queer and trans folks on public forums like YouTube.

“How can people feel like they’re safe to come out when that’s what they’re surrounded with?” she says.

For this reason, with some like-minded individuals like fellow activist James Schwartz, she started Plain Rainbows and The Misfit Amish, groups that help create a safe space for folks who are out and formerly Plain. Some goals for the future are more people and avenues to help with outreach, as well as a blog, but for now, she and her community do what they can, replying to messages and chats and doing what queer folks have been doing since the beginning of time—creating their own community. 

“Our message is to talk about people’s journeys, their lives after being shunned, and show that there is a life, even if the rest of the Plain community doesn’t accept you, there is still space for you. You deserve to exist and find your tribe. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to be free. You don’t have to go to conversion therapy.”

She also started the group because she’s tired of being talked over by a community of folks who really have no clue about what Amish life truly means. 

“Part of the issue is that when you come from the Amish community, society as a whole still looks at Plain people as being this community that can do no wrong,” she says. “That they are this utopian society, and they romanticize them. If you start talking about your struggle, people tend to silence you or speak over you, talk about what they’ve seen on TV or how they have an Amish neighbor who isn’t like that.” 

Because the Amish are by and large known in popular culture as pacifists and friends to their neighbors, good at building and baking, the amounts of spiritual and physical abuse that often happen in those communities gets overlooked. But Byler wants to make sure that their stories won’t get ignored any longer. 

“I literally have to tell people that I learned to cook and sew before I can talk about the abuse and invalidation that happened to me. I’ve been listening to people talk over us for a long time, and I’m done. Stop talking over us, and start listening.” 

*art by BJK