Many people today put the emotions of others over their own. This doesn’t necessarily mean these people are complete pushovers or in unhealthy relationships. Rather, it simply means they’re the type to get anxious or concerned about how someone else is reacting before taking time to notice how they themselves feel. Often these are people who are more soft-spoken, who don’t get angry very often, and who are more prone to tears than outbursts. So, if you fit into this category, how can you be sure you are taking your own emotions into account?
It may be especially tempting to worry about others and figure you’ll be fine no matter what happens. This isn’t the case; bottling up your own emotions can cause outbursts and unhealthy behaviors that will lead to more problems down the line. Here are some ways you can communicate your needs and wants without going too far outside of your emotional comfort zone.
If you fit into the categories described above, you may find yourself oddly drawn to characters like Spock and Data on Star Trek, and you might often wonder why human emotions are so damn messy and loud. Don’t be afraid to stay logical and explain your feelings calmly. You actually have an advantage, because you can easily explain things that others can only communicate through outbursts.
Let It Out
On that same token, however, you’re not an alien or an android, and you do need to let your messy, uncontrollable emotions out sometimes. If you get mad enough to scream or sad enough to cry, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even though you may feel way, way less comfortable sharing these emotions than someone prone to expressing feelings through outburst would, going outside of the realm of logic is sometimes necessary to get your feelings heard.
Write, Brainstorm, Make Lists, Think it Through
If coming out and explaining all your emotional issues is hard for you, you may be well served to write, make some lists, and generally try and figure out what it is that’s specifically bothering you. Often when I get upset, I choose not to share it right away because I feel angry or sad, but can’t even really conceptualize why, because the emotions are in the way. Once you cool down a little, try and narrow down the specifics.
One risk that those who aren’t as prone to sharing their emotions face is not being heard at all. It’s often assumed that you aren’t really that upset or excited about something because of the way you react. Make sure you’re speaking your mind and speaking up when something is bothering you so you don’t get passed over.
Quiet Emotions Are Equal
Last but not least, don’t ever let anyone say or assume you are OK or not affected just because you don’t have an outburst. Everyone feels emotions strongly; they just act on them and express them in different ways. Your feelings are valid, no matter how you choose to share them.