Now Reading
HEINZESIGHT: Fixing broken toys

HEINZESIGHT: Fixing broken toys

Many of us pride ourselves on our ability to solve problems and fix things. In our daily lives, we are faced with many situations that we need to figure out. Most are simply things we need to accomplish because we are grownups, although many of them may take a significant amount of effort and dedication to figure out. These challenges can exist at work, when we deal with our finances, and at home. They also happen in our exchanges with other people in our lives. Sometimes they occur during casual contact while chatting someone up or with an individual that is an engrained part of our lives. There are times when these exchanges prove to take more energy from us than we are willing to give. Although these people can be hard to cut loose, some are more detrimental for us to engage with than to simply not have them as parts of our lives.

I love the “broken toy” analogy when thinking about these types of people. Close your eyes and remember back to when you are a kid and one of your favorite toys breaks. You can use glue, tape, or skillful sewing techniques to effectively fix some of these mishaps. Of course there are other times where there is absolutely no hope. After melting a G.I. Joe in the microwave or cutting off Barbie’s hair, there is little you can do. Our relationships with challenging people can parallel the same ideas. Some are worth the time and effort to work through rough patches while others are better left to discard so you can make room for new ones. Trying over and over to fix these types of exchanges is often met with frustration and anger due to achieving limited success which is generally paired with a fair amount of drama.

For all of the “fixers” that exist in the world, these broken toys can be an extremely frustrating. Often there is an imbalance in the amount of effort put into supporting someone. Offering a 10 percent investment in helping someone you care about is fantastic as long as they are putting in the remaining 90 percent by busting their ass and figuring things out. It is unrealistic to think that our lives ever change because we put a half-ass effort into making it better. The same happens in being there for other people. Offering a hand up is much different than throwing someone on your back and carrying them up a mountain. Supportive people are wonderful to have through difficult processes, but should not be expected to be the one that will fix everything. Most times, we have to work on fixing the broken parts of ourselves and shouldn’t expect others to do it for us.

Of course it takes two to tango and some people become somewhat addicted to trying to help others. They may consciously or unconsciously feel a compulsion to take on people or situations as “projects.” It may come out of an honest sense of compassion and love to be there for other people or from a desire to be seen as a savior. Regardless of the reason for the internal drive, these situations can quickly spin out of control. They can bring negativity and destruction into our lives while pulling people away from being happy and productive.

Brent Heinze | Senior Columnist
Brent Heinze | Senior Columnist

For those unique situations where we cannot completely distance ourselves from these individuals, we can choose to set limits, expectations, and boundaries so the negative impact on us can be more limited. Although it can be additionally challenging to stick to your guns with these people, it is one of the few ways not to bring more chaos and frustration into your exchanges with them. You have the ability to stop the insanity. It is rare that people have the power to take energy from us without our willingness to give it. Be careful about letting people empty your emotional bank account. It will leave you feeling broke, bitter, and exhausted. Let someone else try to fix these toys or encourage them to get the help they need to improve their lives.

What's Your Reaction?
Excited
0
Happy
0
In Love
0
Not Sure
0
Silly
0
Scroll To Top