Cleansing and the Phantom Toxin
I apologize in advance if this column comes out like a rant. That’s largely because this week’s column is a rant.
It’s just on a topic, nay, a word I feel highly passionate about. It’s a word so affronting to my vocabulary that even the slightest mention gives me heartburn. A word that, even passed through the Pope’s lips would sound like the dirtiest, most offending insult. Am I being dramatic? Absolutely. But get me going on something that I stand strongly for (Kanye West) or against (those damn tiny food videos taking over my Facebook feed) and you get a diatribe of passion.
So what is this obscenity? It’s not “moist,” “conscious uncoupling,” or “there’s no more wine.” It’s “toxins,” or, to put it in context: “I’m going to go on this cleanse to flush all of the toxins out of my system. I’m going to detox my body.”
In retrospect, it isn’t the word “toxins” that makes me break out into hives. Your body takes in a whole trove of toxins everyday, from particles in the air to that shot of whiskey Wednesday after work. It’s the belief that humans can magically rid themselves of these toxins with a strict regimen of cayenne-honey water or green juice — a detox.
The human body has been pretty good at saving itself from these toxins, evident in the fact that you can drink moderately in small amounts without suffering an early death. Your liver, kidneys, skin, and lungs are all “detoxing” as we speak, the products of years and years of human evolution.
So why are companies hawking the transformative powers of SkinnyTea, Green Juice Cleanse, and Beach Bod Detox if there are usually no toxins built up in our systems to clean out? We’re vulnerable, for one. Two, it’s easy to attribute the “cleansing” one experiences when wholly subsisting on vegetables and fruitsto your new detox regiment, when in fact it’s just your body, you know, wholly subsisting on vegetables and fruits. Ban all sugar, alcohol, and dairy from your diet for even a week and I dare you to say you don’t feel better.
But let me reiterate: You’re feeling better because you’re eating better, not because you’re ridding your body of toxins. Because there are no toxins building up that need to be pushed out of your body.
We clear? We clear.
