2016 Blew, Let’s Talk About It
The day is nearing fast. The countdowns have begun. Holiday music is on the radio. Lights are up everywhere. The year is quickly coming to an end, once again, and it seems like we all have the same sentiment: Hurry up and end already!
From the deaths of some of our most beloved celebrities to the presidential race that angered and baffled us all, 2016 has been a ride that has most of us screaming, “GET ME OFF THIS THING!”
Thankfully, we’re in the home stretch, but just in case you’re waking up from a coma and were lucky enough to miss this stinking load of a year, let’s take a moment to look back at all the things that make 2016 a dystopian novel to rival The Hunger Games.
The Chewbacca Lady’s laugh is still stuck in our heads.
“Damn, Daniel!”
Another Call of Duty game came out.
Those damn grandkids skipped dinner with Pawpaw.
We found the Zodiac Killer but he got away. We’re watching you, Mr. Cruz.
Harambe was killed. D*cks out for you, buddy.
Actual freaking clowns were running around scaring people.
We had to say goodbye to some of our favorite celebs. Here’s just short sampling: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Muhammed Ali, Gene Wilder, Glenn Frey, Harper Lee, Christina Grimmie, Henry McCullough, Anton Yelchin, Elie Wiesel.
2-year-old Lane Graves was killed by an alligator at Disney World. DISNEY WORLD!
Flint, Michigan still doesn’t have clean water.
Brussels bombing.
The Pulse Nightclub shooting leaves 49 people dead.
Brexit.
Alton Sterling was shot and killed by police.
Philando Castile was shot and killed by police.
Keith Lamont was shot and killed by police.
Countless other black lives were taken by police.
COUNTLESS OTHER BLACK LIVES WERE TAKEN BY POLICE.
Hurricane Matthew.
Bernie Sanders lost the primary election.
Hillary Clinton won the popular vote of America but lost the presidency.
Some Cheeto with a toupee won the presidential election.
Zika Virus.
Louisiana floods.
Five police officers were shot and killed in Dallas as they stood guard at a protest.
Six more were shot in Baton Rouge leaving three dead.
Istanbul Airport attack.
Bastille Day terrorist attack in Nice, France.
Did we already talk about the racist, misogynist, homophobe, that was elected president with terrifying vice president who condones conversion therapy for LGBTQ teens?
What, at first, had us all hurt and sad in the beginning has led to our confused and tortured crawl to New Year’s Day. The cries of “This can’t be real,” and “It’s all a joke, right?” have only died down because it is real and it’s not a joke anymore.
2016, you’re an a**hole. Finish packing your bags, don’t touch anything else, and get the hell out of here. 2017, we’re dying here, friend. We’re begging you: Please be better than 2016. It’s a pretty low bar so it shouldn’t be that hard.
Otherwise, bring on that asteroid.
