In Memoriam: Thank you, Matt Kailey … With Love

Author, activist, professor, and beloved friend of the community Matt Kailey passed away in the early hours of May 18. Matt was an inspiration to many and as one of the country’s first trans journalists, he blazed trails not only for future trans writers, but for all who struggled to give voice to the silent T in LGBT. Matt was a staff writer here at Out Front for a number of years before taking the reigns as managing editor. He stepped down in 2011, after eight years of dutiful service to our community.

We offer our condolences to the friends and family of a truly inspirational man and stand in solidarity when we say: he will be dearly, dearly missed.

I didn’t know it then, but it was a moment so incredibly, quintessentially, and adorably Matt Kailey.

It was three weeks into his new class, Writing Your Gender, at Metropolitan State University of Denver. The assigned reading for the course was his Lambda Literary-nominated memoir, “Just Add Hormones.” As a number of college professors do, Kailey had been quizzing us to be sure we were reading each week’s chapters.

But this week he stopped.

“I’m embarrassed,” he told us, explaining that he felt too narcissistic forcing us to carefully remember intimate details of his life thoroughly enough to pass tests about it.

I was struck by his humility. His book was truly a fascinating and worthy read, as his life had been nothing short of inspiring. Kailey had published two award-winning books, started a popular blog, taught pioneering courses on transgender issues and history, appeared in several documentaries, lent his voice to countless news outlets, served as the managing editor of Out Front, counted iconic celebrities and trans activists such as Calpernia Addams and Chaz Bono among his friends, and touched the lives — so many lives — of those who came to know him.

Of course, as I am sitting here rattling off his many accomplishments, I know he’d, again, be embarrassed.

I’d tell him to keep blushing. His kindness, beauty, and courageousness will forever be deserving of recognition. I know I speak for many — for those in the Colorado LGBTQ community, and for those around the world whom he reached with his words — when I say Matt Kailey will be missed. Terribly.

— With gratitude, Kristin Ziegler, student, friend, and colleague.

I don’t think I can even come close to doing Matt justice; he was so many things to so many people. But if he taught me anything, it was to use my words to help bring what I’m feeling and thinking to the surface. I will do my best.

I first met Matt nearly seven years ago. He was at CU Boulder for an event. I was nineteen or twenty, just starting my own transition, and going through a rough patch. I remember being in awe of Matt; here was a guy who had embarked on a journey similar to my own and had come out on the other side.

Over the next few years, I ran across Matt a few more times, usually when we were both speaking on a panel. I was always honored to speak alongside him. His eloquence, candor, and sense of humor endeared him to many people, and he had an unbelievable ability to make people relate to his story and experiences.

But my strongest memories of Matt are of him as a teacher. When I was a sophomore in college, I was fortunate enough to be a part of his inaugural Writing Your Gender course. Even though, as a social worker, my education was filled with courses designed to promote reflection and force me to confront my demons, Matt’s class always stood out. I remember writing assignments that helped me access the raw pain of my experiences as a transgender man. I remember lecture material that challenged us to reexamine our assumptions, and class discussions so thought-provoking that my classmates and I would linger in the halls after class, or go to a bar solely to continue our conversations. If the mark of a good teacher is the ability to instill an eagerness to learn, then he was one of the best.

Matt Kailey was truly one of a kind. For me, he was a teacher, a mentor, and a friend. For our community, he was an advocate and trailblazer who helped create a safer, better world for transgender people. For our allies, he was an approachable, honest, and unwavering voice of guidance and support. We will all miss him. I know we will all honor his memory by continuing to strive to do our best for ourselves, our community, and our world.

— Jason Marquez, friend and student.

To speak of Matt Kailey in the past tense is more than just changing tenses; it’s learning how to verbalize the impact of his unfortunate and untimely passing. It’s realizing he is gone.

It has been an honor to work with Matt Kailey over the last four years as a student, professor, guest lecturer, and friend. Matt has been a strong ally for me during my undergraduate degree at the Metropolitan State University of Denver. In March 2013, he published a highly political article concerning trans issues in Out Front, of which I was both a subject and a cover model. Matt has been instrumental in assisting and developing my academic passion in postgraduate studies at the University of Colorado Denver, and it has been pleasure to have worked with an individual who possessed such tenacity, affability, and talent in abundance.

The trans community has lost one of its strongest voices. Thus, I pray we find the strength to process and deal with his passing. Words cannot express the dismay and heartbreak many of us share with this tragedy, but I can only hope our community will understand the impact he made.

To Matt, I am humble and speechless. I know that you are at peace. Please know you are deeply missed. Thank you for inspiring me to take pride in who I am as a trans woman and how the intersectionality of my identity frames who I am and what I can be. Thank you for helping me achieve some of the highest educational goals by fighting stereotypes of black trans women. With this, I will say: it is not a time to engage in trans politics, but a time of celebration of your life and wonderful achievements. And for these, I thank you. Peace be with you. You will be forever missed.

— Savannah Sanburg, friend, student, and colleague.