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Marissa Alma Nick Makes Her Author Debut with Rebel In Venus

Marissa Alma Nick Makes Her Author Debut with Rebel In Venus

Rebel in Venus Author

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this month Marissa Alma Nick is making her author debut with Rebel In Venus. From being on stage dancing to releasing her first novel Marissa took some time to tell us all about Rebel in Venus which officially comes out May 26th and is currently available for pre-sale

Rebel in Venus is a powerful story that takes place over a ‘girl’s night in’ between two best friends, Layla and Maria. Throughout the night, Layla’s carefully repressed memories come back to her which triggers a sequence of events that challenges Layla’s unconventional life and her friendship with Maria. The book is semi-autobiographical and it touches on topics like mental health, suicidality, sex work, friendship, trauma, sexual assault, unwanted pregnancies, loss, and so much more. 

 

What inspired you to write Rebel In Venus?

I did not intend to write a book ever, it was not the plan. I started a dance company that holds theater shows and in 2018 I started the show Rebel In Venus. The show was inspired by the Me Too movement and I started to uncover stuff that was coming up for me from sexual trauma in the past. I was stripping at the time. So Rebel In Venus started as a show. In December 2019, I tore my right meniscus while performing, which is like an injury that requires surgery and puts you in crutches for many months. A couple of couple weeks after the surgery, my best friend committed suicide. Two months after that was the pandemic. The world shut down, and so did the entertainment industry. With dance, especially, we couldn’t have contact. In all honesty, the trifecta of those three things forced me to be seated in a way I wasn’t really used to before. As an artist. I’ve always dealt with life by creating a project and making something but I couldn’t dance so I started writing. I’ve written, I’ve written like for the shows I’ve had and I’ve written a couple of screenplays, but nothing I’ve shared with anybody. I think that losing everything can make you really fearless. So at one point, somebody that I’m close with asked to see what it was I was working on, and I shared it with them. I got an editor through them and that editor really helped me feel confident about [writing]. They encouraged me to take it a little more seriously and helped me be vulnerable. 

 

While I was writing the book, I was also in heavy treatment for my own depression and PTSD. I was very suicidal myself after losing my best friend that way. That was something always that was in me but it really cracked open at that time. So what started as a show that had a strong sense of feminism and ownership of the body and this anti-rape culture agenda that’s still there but it really also turned into a coming of age story, this woman that I create, Layla, she’s finding herself and realizing that she’s gonna have to be the one to save herself. I wanted to write a book that my best friend would have read that would have made her not feel ashamed of the way that she felt about some of the things that maybe she’s gone through. Or for my people, like people like me, there’s just like a weight of shame that you feel when you’ve gone through trauma, I really thought of her a lot when writing this book. I wanted to write a hero’s journey of somebody who did battle with depression and suicide and has lost people that way. 

 

With this being your first novel, what empowered you to share your writing?

It was the conversations I was starting to have. During COVID I started teaching pole privates. During these private client sessions because of where everybody was in the world it honestly sort of cracked us all open. These sessions became a lot of conversation so I was like hearing a lot of myself in other people for the first time. It’s probably just because of the shift that I had been through that I was listening differently. It was like my own, ‘I’m not alone’ moment. The friend that I shared this book with also had been there with me through very dark times when I was very suicidal. I was almost forced into being open with them. That’s the person who then introduced me to my editor, who I now consider a very dear friend. I still have impostor syndrome, but to have somebody with this sort of actual writing background encouraging me to take it seriously really helped. I think there’s a lot of depression and loss through suicide and we’re at this really gentle and fragile time right now with ourselves but maybe wanting to see ourselves in something. I just thought that maybe it’s my one little contribution. So this also, moment where we are like very fragile, So this was for all those people who will read this and are like ‘that’s me’, ‘I’ve never seen me like that’, ‘I don’t feel so ashamed now.’ Thinking of this was very motivating,

Marissa Alma NIck

Tell us a little more about Layla as the protagonist. What is she like?

I was gonna say Layla is complex. as if a human being is not complex. but Layla is a dancer. She’s a very curious person., it’s not in this story but in my mind when I wrote her I kept telling myself about her was that she had just started her healing journey. She has gone through some shit and now she’s in therapy. I took that from my own experience. When I started heavy therapy, I could not shut up about what was coming up for me because it was so intense and overwhelming. That’s definitely where Layla is in her life. There are so many facets of her because you go on this journey from meeting Layla when she was seven all the way into her 30s. Layla is also very queer. That’s not even a characteristic that’s just who she is. She’s queer. She identifies with she/her pronouns. Inside she wants to be this bold person but she hasn’t yet found her voice to be bold. So, she’s this observant person almost a little bit quiet, taking a lot in as she grows and really finds herself along this journey. There are a lot of music references in the book so she’s someone who definitely likes music. I use this as a tool for disassociation. I wanted to like really take the reader to a place where she goes when she disassociates at certain moments and for her it’s music, I think that comes from somebody who’s a quiet, internalized person searching for themselves and something like a little bigger all the time. 

When I was thinking of the title it was a reclamation of the goddess Venus. It doesn’t have to be one way, not white and apologetic, or thin and feminine, or not messy, there are all these things that a person can be to feel that they are a goddess and are in their feminine divine energy. In the rebellious aspect, it’s not like Layla is not like this loud punk rebel, she would like to be it’s not who she is. Historically, when women say who they are for themselves and not allow anybody else to define who they are, that’s usually a very rebellious thing because as women our place in the world is so specific. It has actually been treasonous in the past for women to say who they are, what they think, and what they want. Overall, Layla is a hero. I’ve always loved the hero’s journey but I never really saw myself in these heroes. People like me, people that have experienced trauma or depression always end up feeling like they need something or somebody else. We all need somebody and something but we really need ourselves first and foremost. Layla just explodes into herself but it’s definitely a journey for her to get there. 

 

Rebel In Venus is a semi-autobiographical book, how are Layla and her story similar to yours? How are they different?

There are some parallels between Layla and I and the dancer aspect is one. There are some specifics of her sexual of Layla’s sexual abuse that is not exactly like mine. I do have childhood sexual abuse and I also experienced sexual abuse into my early 20s as well. There are very specific nuanced stories in Rebel In Venus that didn’t actually happen to me specifically but hit very close to home. So I combined all these stories sort of into one as far as that specific part of the book. The childhood one is the closest to exactly my experience. Layla steps into becoming a sex worker for a moment. That is something I did for years at the strip club.

Layla’s queerness was really important to me. I am super gay, super queer and so is Layla. Something that I really wanted to do with this though because there’s a lot of sexual trauma in the book, is not to overexplain or identify her queerness and just let it exist. She is pretty fluid and bisexual and so there’s no like there’s never really these moments of ‘I wonder if I am or if I’m not’ or ‘Is it okay, or is it not?’ That’s the one place in her life where she doesn’t have shame or overthinking. I wanted to give that to her because that has not been my experience.  in other stories that have a heterosexual protagonist, there’s never this chapter that explains their heterosexual awakening. I just wanted to have it in there as if her hair is brown or blonde. it’s a part of her it’s who she is. I wanted to give her that because for me [my identity] has sometimes been very confused. In conversations that I’ve had, I’ve been told “Oh, you must be queer because you’ve been sexually abused.” These things exist very separately and are very separate experiences. I am speaking for myself, that might be somebody’s truth, but it definitely isn’t mine and I didn’t want to blend the two either.

Layla has an abortion. I have also had one and that … whole fun tale of an abortion. It’s … a loop-de-loop and pretty spot on to my experience. The book is fiction so I took creative liberties but I pushed myself to be as vulnerable as possible. With the climate of what’s going on right now and the wackadoodle experience I had here in Florida, it’s so bizarre that0 the only way to tell it was that way. It’s so crazy that it was like there was no other way to be fictional about it. It’s a weird and bizarre story. I’m a little curious about how [Layla’s abortion] is gonna play out. Against all bans and whatever controversy might come with that, I think it’s important right now to have a person who has chosen to have an abortion and who is not apologetic or regretful about it. Layla goes on a very courageous journey through it and it’s not some sad story, 

Layla, as I’ve mentioned, is someone who battles with depression and trauma. These issues are becoming more and more prevalent. I myself am still learning how to not feel like a burden myself. I’m still learning how to not feel a sense of shame and accepting on the things that I’ve been through. Layla is a little bit of who like I’m trying to be and who I want to be.

Young Marissa Alma Nich

Layla goes from repressing her traumas to unlocking her memory. Why was covering subjects like suicidality, sex work, divorce, etc. central to her development?

 I had shame that I didn’t want to feel about the abortion, about being a sex worker, shame that I don’t think anybody should feel. Whatever job they have, or whatever they choose to do with their body, their time, and their minds in order to make ends meet or become a billionaire. Whatever they decided to do! As long as they’re not hurting anybody it’s consensual. The shame that comes with sexual abuse, that’s lifelong. It is really hard to undo the weight of that shame, especially when it’s been not just one moment but a few of them. So the shame of needing therapy and being in and out of therapy can be difficult to carry. This book is more about the shame and courage that comes with being able to say “This thing happened to me. it’s really affecting me and now I want to do something about it.” It was really important for me to convey these topics with a sense of empathy and humanity as someone who has gone through these things. 

 

With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, what do you want those battling mental illness, suicidality, and escapism to take away from Rebel in Venus and Layla’s story?

That it is perfectly okay and not abnormal to feel that way [depressed and suicidal] and at the same time, it is perfectly okay to say that you feel that way. We really all do need help. Layla doesn’t do it all by herself and she isn’t the hero without anything or anybody. it makes us stronger, identifying our weaknesses. To be able to say ‘I feel depressed. I need therapy.’ Or, ‘I feel depressed and maybe the people I have around me aren’t making me feel safe in being able to be who I am. Maybe it’s time for me to search for different relationships that don’t make me feel ashamed of who I am and what I’ve been through or who I am and what I need.’ That’s really big! You are not a burden. You are a hero. Some of us just need a little more water. If you know someone that does suffer from depression, has thoughts of suicide, has lost someone to suicide, or has experienced sexual trauma pay it forward and give them a copy of the book. I want that people who need the book to read it. 

Marissa Alma Nick

Your book tells a meaningful story about friendship. Can you tell us what makes Layla and Maria’s friendship special?

I think all my friendships and relationships shifted in 2020 after losing my friend.  There was this lack of vulnerability that I was even withholding from my relationships. I wanted to celebrate a platonic love story and the power of vulnerability and friendship. It’s important to be who you are and how you are without being critical. In 2023, we’re so isolated and independent in our relationships without the capacity to communicate, hold space for each other,  make time, and not just brush the surface with each other to not feel like a burden. When I think of my friend that I lost to suicide,  I want somebody like her to read it and feel like a hero and not a burden. 

Layla and Maria meet at a support group meeting for those that have lost people to suicide. It’s not a very happy place that they meet but they find one another in this open and vulnerable space. That’s their meet-cute and the foundation of their friendship, being open and vulnerable. They have an empowering and very honest friendship. I want more of that. I think we could all do a little bit better with that these days.

 

What can people expect at your official book release event?

The book release event is on June 2nd. Lutze Segu is hosting the Q&A. She is also Miami based. Lutze is an activist, writer, and community organizer for the queer and black community. We will be presented by Pioneer Winter, who’s a good friend of mine, and his collective. I have to do a visual installation because I love that. I will also read a chapter and take some questions from Lutze and the audience. There will also be a signing afterward. The event is in a beautiful part of Miami too, it’s in Coral Gables so people can go get drinks and food in the museum and have a nice romantic Miami night out with yourself, with a friend, with a lover. 

Rebel In Venus Book Release Event Flyer

Rebel in Venus is available for pre-save now but will be out in stores on May 26th. For those in the Miami area, check out the book release event at Books & Books in Coral Gables on June 2nd. For more of Marissa Alma Nick follow her on Instagram

Photo courtesy of J

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