Love Makes a Family: The McLeod’s

A proud single mother, Eeka McLeod’s journey to building a family began when she made the decision to pursue her lifelong dream of adopting a child.

After becoming a licensed foster parent while in graduate school, she started welcoming children into her home. Throughout her time fostering, McLeod cared for 18 children and eventually adopted three: Eli (8), Evan (6), and Ella (4). Eli has cerebral palsy while Evan and Ella are both on the autism spectrum, so she has dedicated her life to meeting their unique needs while helping them find ways to express their individuality.

During the pandemic, the self-described “family of misfits” quickly made a name for themselves on social media with unapologetically real, hilarious content that showcases the triumphs and challenges of their daily life. With a devoted fanbase in the millions, McLeod is passionate about the family’s platform to support and advocate for several minority groups, including single parents, the LGBTQ community, and people with disabilities.

McLeod took some time to answer some questions for OFM.

Your family has made quite a name for themselves on social media. What initially inspired you to post content that showcased your lives?

To be honest, I didn’t think anybody would be interested in, as I lovingly refer to us, a family of misfits. It was actually a friend of mine at the time who was doing the whole social media thing, and she was like, you’ve got to make your page public. People would be so interested in you, the kids, and your lives. I was like, “Who would be interested in us? We’re a mess.” (Laughs.)

She told me this quite a few times, probably over the span of nine-10 months to almost a year. I kept saying, “No, nobody’s going to care. If people do, there’s going to be nothing but hate and negativity.” Finally, I was like, “OK, I’ll give it a go. What’s the worst that can happen?” Now, here we are!

Fortunately, love and positivity outweigh the negativity, but of course, there are nasty trolls who feel the need to put their two cents in. How do you respond to the hate?

Humor is my number-one coping mechanism. I have a very dark, sarcastic sense of humor, and thank God my kids understand it, but I’m always more offended that the hate comments aren’t more creative. They’re not even interesting to read! Like, “It’s a sin, it’s disgusting,”—Come on, guys. I actually had somebody who clearly didn’t know that my kids were adopted. He’s like, “Your womb is cursed!” That earned some points with me. So, that’s mostly how I deal with it.

Because of the diversity within our family, we receive an immense amount of hate comments and nastiness, probably more so than the average family. However, because there’s a point where there’s just so much, you kind of get used to seeing it. That sounds horrible to say, but I’m so used to reading it. Now, it kind of just rolls off my back. I’m friends with other creators, and no matter what kind of hate they get, it really hurts their hearts. We try to support each other, and I want to validate those feelings. If someone doesn’t like you, all they need to do is keep scrolling.

You became a licensed foster parent while in graduate school and have cared for at least 18 children. What have you personally gained from this, and has it been at all difficult being a single mother?

I think what I gained from it is the ability to multitask on a whole other level. I swear, the things I can do at the same time, I’m like, “Wow!” But yeah, is it difficult doing this as a single parent? One-thousand percent. I think when people see our content, they romanticize what they’re seeing. I try to be as open and honest as possible with people, obviously still respecting some level of boundaries with us as a family because we are human, but I’ll tell people straight up, this is not easy.

They’re like, “I want to do this as a single parent; I want to do exactly what you’ve done,” and I always tell them, “I didn’t just take the hard road. I took the road, not even less traveled by. I took the road almost nobody else wants to take because it’s so overwhelming and challenging.” Because of everything going on, I do cry a lot. I’m human. It’s how I process things. So, I want people to know that this is a whole other level of challenging.

If you are called to do it, go for it. I know this is where I was meant to be and what I was meant to do, but for some who are on the fence, if the easy road is better for you, take it. There are a lot of hardships as a single parent. There’s nobody to lean on and everything falls to me, and on some level, I like that. I’m not fighting with somebody else over raising kids and money, which couples are typically at odds over, but it can be a very lonely existence. You need to have a great support system.

What made you eventually adopt Eli, Evan, and Ella?

When it comes to foster care and adoption, some of the kiddos who come through your home won’t be able to go back to their biological parents or family, and my three were three of those. They always ask when a child is placed with you, if it comes to adoption, are you willing to adopt? I’m like, “Yes.” When it came to Evan, which is funny because I had already adopted Eli, I wasn’t going to adopt Evan. There was another foster parent interested.

I remember, she was like, “I want to take him for the whole weekend,” and she didn’t even last 24 hours. She brought him back to me, and she was upset. Evan had been exposed to substances in utero, and he cried a lot at that time, which is very common. I think he was two or three months old, a tiny tinker tot, and she brought him back. It broke my heart. I looked at him in his baby carrier and said, “I will never ever do that to you again. If it comes to permanency, you have it,” and here he is!

Are they aware that they have become social media famous?

(Laughs) I don’t see us as famous. We may be well-known in the area we live in, but if I went to a Dakota, nobody would know who we were. So, they have no idea, and this is something I love about my kids at this age. Even though other kids their age would understand, my kids have no concept of that. For example, we’ve started to get to know JoJo Siwa, and the human she portrays herself to be online is the human she is.

She is such a sparkling light in this world, and when I see my kids with her, they see and talk about her as a human. They have no concept of fame, celebrity, wealth, anything. They love people for who they are, so that concept is completely lost to them. They just like making videos and being silly in front of the ring lights. That’s all it is to them. They have a blast, and we have a good time with it.

Not only have you dedicated your life to meeting their unique needs, but you are helping your kids find ways to express their individuality. Why is this so important to you?

I think it’s so important because I feel like my kids have every right to be 100% authentically themselves. For me as a parent, knowing what they’ve come from, the hardships, the trials, the lost, the grief, so much involved in their short little lives, when I see them blossoming and becoming who they are, and they’re so excited about it, I can’t help but get excited with them. I’m here to support them one thousand percent in anything and everything.

Do you ever feel that LGBTQ households that have family members with disabilities are sometimes considered outcasts?

Absolutely. I think when you take LGBTQ on its own and disabilities on its own, there’s a lot of feelings of being an outcast—not just feelings of it, but actual people going against you and not being inclusive or accepting. When you put both of those things together, it definitely creates a lot more challenges, especially with a family like ours.

When people see my kids having so much fun because that’s primarily what I share, people are kind of surprised. I’m like, “We’re human, and my kids are being kids!” My hope is that in sharing our family with the world, we’re destigmatizing a lot of those things and we’re opening it up for people who are just like us. Other marginalized, diverse families and individuals, so they won’t have to feel like the outcast.

Evan has become a social media star in his own right thanks to his love of wearing dresses and colorful hairstyles. What was going through your mind when he told you he wanted to wear a dress for the first time?

I initially thought he was confused. It was a Snow White dress, but I also thought, me being me, I’m going to buy you this $70 dress only for you to wear it once, and it’s going to be a waste of money. Then by the time Ella is big enough to wear it, it’s going to be out of date, and she’s going to think she’s too good for the dress. When I look back at it now, that sounds horrible; that’s what kids will do (laughs). Now, Evan will go into my wallet and get my credit card.

There were also some things that I missed with Evan when he was littler, things he was trying to tell me before he could really speak and articulate what it was he liked, needed, or wanted. So, I was kind of flipping through dresses, put the Snow White one back, got two others, but he was adamant about wanting the first one. I was like, “Are you sure?” He couldn’t really speak, but he understood me. So, I got him the dress, and now he’s my most high-maintenance child.

Although Evan is nonbinary and uses he/him pronouns, do you think he’ll continue exploring the feminine elements of his gender in the future?

A lot of people do ask that, and I always say, if I had a crystal ball, I’d be making a lot more money! But to be honest, I don’t know. I recently took him to Hamburger Mary’s, and he absolutely loved it. He got down with Selena, somebody came out dressed as the Little Mermaid, and he was amazed. What I love about Evan is, at first, he was like, “Wait, those are guys?” It’s kind of normalizing and validating his own experience, but he has been very, very firm in his statement that he wants boobs. Specifically big ones.

He’ll wear little training bras and sports bras, and I have a video on our TikTok of him showing me his favorite bra. The first time he asked for boobs, I said he couldn’t have them, and he threw a massive tantrum. He lost his ever-loving mind, but I realized I have to say it in a way where I’m not taking boobs off the table. Now, I tell him we’ve got to wait until he’s older. If you still want boobs when you’re older, mom will buy you boobs. I’ll finance you a set, the whole shebang, and he’s very happy with that.

What do you have to say to people who believe that children are too young to know their gender, and it’s just a phase?

Oh my gosh, if I had a nickel every time I heard that, we’d have a house made of nickels. They’d be everywhere. It’s funny to me because nobody says that to children who express heterosexuality. I get a lot of people saying, “He shouldn’t be allowed to make those decisions until he’s 18.” Well, did you go to prom? Did you go to prom with the person of your choice that you were attracted to? Maybe that you felt something with? Were you 18? Did you go to middle school dances? Did you chase other kids on the playground? Were they the opposite gender from you assigned at birth?

A lot of people will say, “He’s too young to know,” and I’m like, “That’s interesting because I remember chasing kids on the playground very clearly at his age, chasing kids I had crushes on or liked.” I think the conversation needs to be turned from “He’s too young, or he shouldn’t be allowed to make these decisions,” to, “Why is heterosexuality something that can be pushed, forced, and talked about?” We have Florida with this Don’t Say Gay bill, so why is it OK for you to be who you are, but we can’t? I think that a conversation needs to start happening.

I absolutely loved the video of Evan meeting The Old Gays. How magical was that for him?

We got there, and he was in his big ol’ dress, and they were telling us to hold on because they were shooting something on their street. They went into the house to prepare for him because they were in different outfits. I told him that we were meeting The Old Gays, and he’s seen their stuff on TikTok. He also refers to all older people as grandmas and grandpas. It’s cute, but when we’re in public and he sees somebody with white hair, he’s like, “Grandma!” I’m like, “No, you can’t say that!”

He was very excited to see them, and you see in the video where they’re calling his name. He looked to me for permission, and I was like, “Go ahead.” Then he goes clodhopping full speed out the door. I remember seeing his face, which I couldn’t capture because I was behind him and couldn’t get the right angle, but he was almost shocked because the guys look like, quote unquote, men. They have that traditional look of men, but here they are in dresses.

To see his face kind of capturing that moment and processing it was incredible He was very shy the whole time because I think he was lost in the moment, but when we get in the car to leave, suddenly, it’s all about the grandpas. Like, how come you weren’t this chatty when we were there? Once they asked Evan if he wanted to do TikTok, he was all about that.

Another one of my favorites was Eli visiting the ocean for the first time. How meaningful are these cherished moments to you?

It’s hard to put into words because Eli’s life expectancy is short. I try to talk a little more openly about that because it helps me process through the grief because when you know it’s coming, that grief lasts the entire time. He has multiple diagnoses, but the one that’s more evident and what you can obviously see with your eyes is the severe cerebral palsy, specifically spastic quadriplegia. Then you have the in-utero trauma that he experienced, which is a whole other story, but moments like that with Eli are priceless for many reasons.

I know Eli is a gift and I only get to have him for a little bit. The chances of Eli surviving past the age of 20 are incredibly low. He’s 8 years old right now, so when you look at it, my time with him is shortening. I can feel it shortening, and I start to panic internally as a parent. So, I want him to do all these things and have all these experiences. Beyond that, I must prepare Evan and Ella for the loss of a sibling someday. The more memories they make together, the more they have to hold onto someday when Eli is watching out for us from far away. That’s kind of the method to my madness as a parent.

What more do you hope to accomplish with your social media platform?

I hope to continue sharing our lives with people, and again, hopefully it might change a few minds and hearts. You never know, but I hope to make the world a little bit more accepting and inclusive for families like ours and kiddos like mind.

Before we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to mention or plug?

Just that we’re so grateful for every single supporter out there. Every person who has fallen in love with a little boy in a dress, we cannot thank you enough for the kindness we received.

Stay up-to-date and connect with the McLeod family by following them on Instagram and YouTube @themcleodfamily, or TikTok @themcleodfam.

Photos courtesy of Eeka McLeod and social media