I am actively dating and get asked to describe myself often. It is hard for me, since I think I’m actually quite boring and have a hard time discussing my life. After talking about a couple things regarding work and a few of my hobbies, there really isn’t anything left to review that I think is interesting. I’m concerned that I come across as boring or have low self-esteem, and this is affecting my chances of meeting someone good for dating. What can I do to figure out what to talk about?
So many of us struggle with how to engage in small talk when you meet someone or are out on a date. It can be difficult to come up with interesting tidbits about your life on the fly or remember fascinating stories about your life that would be entertaining to your date.
There are times when you might simply find your life dull, but there may also be elements of lower self-esteem or a poor image of yourself that could also be at play here. When someone asks questions about you, it is generally because they are interested in getting to know you better. Especially if you are working towards developing a friendship or forging a potential new love interest, it is important to at least appear that you are confident in yourself, your accomplishments, and your direction for future success.
There may be a few elements that are causing you these difficulties, but they can be identified and addressed so they don’t pose as high of a risk of impacting your interactions in negative ways.
I talk to people often who feel extremely awkward talking about themselves when asked to discuss their life, interests, and experiences. Especially when someone is working to increase their social networks or people to potentially date, they may find it difficult to find interesting things to say about themselves past the initial greeting and some surface-level items.
It is always good to have a full bag of potential topics, stories, aspirations, talents, or fun facts to keep a conversation moving forward. You can absolutely feel free to ask your own set of questions of them as well to turn the tables, but be careful to not come across as being an interrogator or deflecting answering their questions. Still, asking them questions can be helpful if conversation stalls. Also, keep in mind that it’s not totally up to you to keep the conversation going. Hopefully, you have a willing and skilled partner to provide interesting and engaging conversation.
Some challenges you may be experiencing when talking about yourself could stem from circumstances growing up that you may not be aware of or actively remember. There are some families that stress humility, and talking about yourself could be considered boastful if you are talking about your accomplishments.
There is a huge difference between being confident in yourself and being arrogant. Other people are raised in an emotionally distant household where healthy self-esteem or self-expression wasn’t supported by parents or other people in their lives. Telling someone to feel confident about themselves when that hasn’t been their experience can be a huge barrier to overcome.
Many times, we are simply out of practice in talking about ourselves and may see our lives as disinteresting since we live them daily. It is going to be important to develop things to talk about, or we risk feeling awkward or creating uncomfortable interactions.
One idea that can be helpful in these types of situations is called an elevator speech. It is a short synopsis delivered in about the time it would take to go up the elevator of a 50-floor building. This can include easily digestible pieces of your educational or professional experiences, hobbies, or interesting aspects of your life that can give someone an initial impression of you.
It’s nothing too deep or personal at this point, and it is intended to entice someone to want to get to know you better. This is not about packing in as much information as possible or being long-winded. Pick and choose a few, fun elements from your life experiences. There are ways to talk about your interests and successes without sounding cocky, but it is important work on becoming comfortable about speaking about yourself.
It is important that you paint the best image of yourself that you can create. It doesn’t matter if you’re chatting somebody up online or going on a date; it is valuable to spend time thinking about what impressions about you are important to share. You may want to disclose the list of exotic places you have visited or identify some erotic places you like to be touched.
Regardless, it is up to you to do your part when carrying on a conversation. Once you get comfortable talking about yourself, you may actually start seeing yourself as more interesting.