Many of us are in love with the concept of love. When we experience it, the world is a happy place full of hope, enjoyment, and a seemingly endless supply of magical moments. When it is lacking, we may feel that we are walking through a grey, dreary fog where things feel overwhelmingly gloomy. In a world of diversity, we should feel confident in our ability to pursue whatever kind of loving relationship feels right. The first steps are to figure out what type works for us and who we want to create it with. As with most things, it’s important to be true to ourselves and have strength in our convictions so we can communicate our desires and intentions honestly and clearly. Hopefully we will have opportunities to meet those individuals that share our common beliefs, desires, and hopes for the future.
The queer world has had a long history of challenging societal rules and pushing the boundaries of what is considered acceptable. We have creatively and passionately accomplished these changes legally, emotionally, and sexually by being vanguards in a world frequently defined by firm rules and expectations.
We often break away from the normal, and in many ways, we don’t feel that it is important to conform to standards we were taught growing up. Although it may take time and effort to figure out what interests and fulfills us, we have the ability and ultimately the personal responsibility to create a remarkable life full of happiness and excitement, as well as some amazing memories and connections.
Although none of us are bound by conventional ways of doing anything, one of the topics that continues to cause heated discussions within and outside of our community is the variety of configurations that can exist within committed relationships. Everyone has their own perspectives about and experiences of what works for them, and everyone has their own views about how structures of relationships can affect our queer culture and the society at large.
Some feel that a single, monogamous relationship provides the most emotional stability and reinforces the idea that queer relationships are more legitimate if they’re traditional. Others choose to pursue a more non-traditional route to find love. This may be accomplished by finding connection with more than one other person for love, lust, or both.
Discussions about these types of perspectives do not need to be about trying to sway anyone’s decision to pursue a specific type of dynamic, promoting open relationships, or criticizing nonmonogamous partnerships. It’s about encouraging effective connections and offering suggestions on how to make them more fulfilling, hotter, and longer-lasting.
I don’t honestly feel there is a single type of bonding that is more viable or has a higher rate of success than any other. It truly is about what works for each individual. It doesn’t matter if you are in a monogamous, open, polyamorous, or non-sexual dynamic with your partner or partners. A good relationship is a good relationship. It all depends on how each person defines their own happiness and success.
Strangely enough, the variety of types of relationships is frequently a subject for heated conversations. Those forms that may be considered more “unorthodox” by some in our society often are the topic of debate, concern, and even judgement or ridicule. Critical individuals are not interested in pursuing these types of interactions, but feel that their perception and knowledge of ethics, human sexuality, and relationship dynamics somehow gives them insight into what type is most effective and morally acceptable within our society.
Some discussions focus on the importance of LGBTQ individuals fitting into conventional relationship formations to continue gaining support for equality in our society. Thankfully, there is a strong group of progressive thinkers that don’t feel that conforming to any set of predetermined standards is required within our society to feel validated or be a meaningful contributor to our culture.
It’s understandable why many of us start out thinking about creating conventional relationships when we first come out. Most of us are raised with a set of standards about the “proper” ways to do many things. Traditions in relationships have been passed down throughout our shared history. These have been influenced by legal, religious, ethical, and sociological thought, but rarely were we encouraged to break out of conventional ways of thinking about how relationships can be structured.
Our society is often based on fitting in and going with the popular opinions that help us gain friendships and can keep us from feeling strange and isolated. It starts with our families, continues in school, and can progress throughout our lives. However, growing up queer innately comes with its own set of challenges to fitting in.
Most of us know we are fundamentally different but are not exactly sure how or why. As we hopefully grow into feeling comfortable with ourselves, we can benefit from evaluating how to redefine many elements of our lives to ensure we are making choices that feel right for us. These often include how we create family and relationships. Thankfully, we do not live in a single-option culture and have the freedom to choose.
Having a pre-existing model can be helpful in creating a strong initial foundation for relationships, but many of us want to make modifications to this plan so we can cultivate opportunities that are exciting and stimulating. It can be overwhelming to know we can generate whatever formulation of relationships we want, and it takes time and effort to evaluate what we truly feel is the best course of action for us.
We are only bound by what we personally believe qualities of healthy relationships to be. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with pursuing a relationship that challenges societal norms or goes along with traditional structures. Either is acceptable, and in queer society, it’s not unusual to opt for an unconventional relationship. However, unconventional thinking has happened often throughout our shared history. Our queer culture has rarely been described as “going with the flow.” In so many ways, we have been at the forefront of social change, not conforming to the status quo.
Getting creative in relationships promotes new ways of thinking about how to connect with others. Sometimes compatibility with how we spend our free time or plan for the future is less important than the types of sex we have within a relationship. Occasionally, other pursuits are more important than sex. It truly is about what aspects of building a life together make us feel incredible. We can create a life we love, living with whomever we choose.