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A Former Inmate Talks Lesbian Relationships in Prison

A Former Inmate Talks Lesbian Relationships in Prison

Incarcerated

Stripped naked. Spread apart. Finger and hand prints. Photos of your tattoos and birthmarks. You’re given two sets of orange scrubs, two bras, five pairs of underwear, and two pairs of socks. Nothing you have is yours. You are no longer an individual; you are a number.

With popular TV shows like Orange Is The New Black and Wentworth, the women’s prison system has become a spectacle for elaborate storylines based off somewhat true events.

“It took a while to adjust, but I remember getting my first hygiene order from commissary and it was like, ‘well at least this is mine.’ You don’t really realize materialism until it’s gone,” said Angela, a former inmate whose name we changed for protection.

Angela said she believes prisons try to break prisoners as part of intake, and make inmates know their place.

“They want to push you down so you don’t feel like you have a voice,” she said.

Her first week, she was walking around the yard and noticed a tiny white flower and picked it. Next thing she knew she had a corrections officer in her face, threatening to write her up for destruction of state property.

“I was shocked. It was a weed.”

Prior to being locked up, Angela was in a four-year relationship with a man, and had always been interested in relationships with men. After being sentenced, her boyfriend promised to be there for her and wait for her to get out. Once her two-year prison sentence was over, they planned to get married and continue their lives together.

Then a few months into her sentence, he ghosted her. He stopped answering her calls. He stopped writing. Confused and alone, she helplessly went to sleep each night wondering what happened. After a month of darkness, her friends and mother informed her of photos on Facebook of him and another woman who he was calling ‘his lady.’

Devastated about the news, she suffered from this heartbreak every day, and still to this day isn’t over it. She had no closure, and nothing to distract her. She was forced to face her emotions in the darkest, rawest form.

“All you have to do in there is think. You think about your entire life, I mean everything, leading up to where you are now. So the thought of another woman, the thought of my future husband with her, doing the things we were supposed to be doing, it was so hard. Bad days were really bad,” she said.

Feeling alone, she started to make friends with other women in her unit. There was a 20 year old girl, Cam, who flirted with Angela, and a friendship began to form.

“After I found out the truth about my boyfriend, it kind of turned into ‘f*ck it, I deserve some companionship too.’”

Cam and Angela began an intimate relationship, and sought comfort in each other. Cam showed her compassion and love. They opened up to one another and fell in love.

“By nature we are social creatures,” she said. “We want connection. Especially in there. Women want to feel needed and loved. It’s instinctual.”

Angela described Cam as a stud. She wasn’t feminine, and she had beautiful blue eyes and a smile just as bright. Angela was six years older than her.

“We really helped each other pick up the pieces of our lives. If you can identify with at least one person while you’re locked up it means everything. She definitely helped empower me and bring a little of that self-worth back.”

They were an item for several months. Sneaking around in the showers or each other’s rooms was common, but if caught, faced solitary confinement.

Despite relationships being the norm between women, many of these don’t extend beyond prison.

“There are a lot of women that are just ‘gay for the stay’ and leave and go back to their straight lives,” Angela explained.

Research suggests 30 to 60 percent of women engage in lesbian sexual behavior while in prison. Despite labeling themselves as straight on the outside, on the inside they lean more towards bisexuality. Once released, it’s estimated that only 25 percent continue to be with women. The rest usually go back to men.

According to published research in the International Journal of Sociology, women gave several reasons for their interest in other women while locked up. Some said to pass time; some said love, sex, companionship; and some had other reasons, such as money.

“Currently my sexuality doesn’t even exists. To be honest, after my failed relationship, prison, and a number of other things, I have some pretty deep trust issues that are preventing me from letting anyone that close. But at this point, I could go either way. It really just depends on whom I connect with,” Angela said.

According to her, inmates hooking up with other inmates was common, and guards with inmates was actually pretty common, too. Despite there being a lot of cameras, it wasn’t hard to sneak around.

Cam was eventually sent to lock. While in lock, she would write Angela letters that would get passed through offenders and make their way to her. Expecting a letter from Cam, a fellow inmate passed her a letter that had her usual romantic tone, but also said ‘happy one-year anniversary.’ At that point, they had not been together for a year, and Angela hadn’t even been in jail for a year.

The letter was meant to go to Cam’s supposed ex-girlfriend, who was a fellow inmate. At one point, this ex-girlfriend had threatened Angela, but she had people protecting her.

Angela’s heart was broken once again.

“It was very similar to the deception I had already dealt with from the breakup with my boyfriend. I felt pretty used all over again.”

She was able to cope with this breakup more easily than the first one because she had some closure, and also because their relationship was never real in the aspect of dates and sleepovers, but instead they were seeking love and comfort.

“‘Girlfriends’ was a spectators sport. It was pretty entertaining to see who was with whom one day to the next,” Angela said.

A startling 50 percent of inmates suffer from mental illness, and upon entering prison, many also suffer from social isolation. Angela said she is thankful for her family and friends’ support. Lack of support on the outside is the main reason for inmates to engage in relationships on the inside.

“Having someone to talk to and confide in makes your time in isolation a little easier,” she said.

Today, Angela still communicates with a few girls she met on the inside who are still there. She is currently on part two of her sentence, serving time on house arrest. She is grateful to be out; however she said house arrest is equally as lonely. On the positive side, she can communicate freely with friends and family and continue her journey post-incarceration.

**For the safety and privacy of the former inmate, names have been changed**

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