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Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,

I was shopping and found a fabulous outfit in white, but we are before Memorial Day. Do I dare wear it, even out of season?

Kay: I would not be caught dead in white; it is so not slimming.

Mae: What? My concern is not about Memorial Day—why the hell would you wear white when you could spill your red wine on it?

Zoey: Is it summer white or winter white? Do you have beige shoes? What accessories do you have? What would Miss Manners think?

Cookie: Rules? There are rules? Why did nobody tell me about this? OMG! … Meh, who cares! You do you.

 

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,

My new boyfriend of three months just told me he is bi. That is not an issue, but what do I say if I meet one of his ex-girlfriends?

Mae: I guess that depends. Did they part ways on good terms? Maybe suggest a threesome?

Cookie: Were you the top or the bottom in the relationship?

Zoey: One woman’s trash is one man’s treasure, and I love plundering the booty.

Kay: Hi, do you have any STDs I should know about?

 

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,

My new girlfriend has a box of sex toys and some look well-loved, if you get my meaning. How do I make sure that she has cleaned them before we get too involved?

Cookie: Those are hers and should stay hers. Go buy new toys that only the two of you will use with each other. The more you know.

Mae: You could just take a big sniff at each toy to make sure it smells like soap instead of tuna.

Kay: Buy her fresh new toys with toy cleaner—just like taking a shower together to clean the bits that are about to go in your mouth.

Zoey: Run them through the dishwasher. If you are still not sure, then run them through the oven set on broil.