Dear Cycle Sluts, We are at the beginning of a new year, and that means goals and resolutions. What are some of yours?
Kay: To never make goals or resolutions.
Zoey: I would say my resolution is to not drink as much, but who are we trying to fool?
Mae: More glitter! More rainbows! More UNICORNS!
Cookie: I resolve to eat better, be better, bet better, bathe better, imbibe better, butt better, and have more sex.
Dear Cycle Sluts, I know we are boycotting the chicken place, but I love the food. Why does the chicken taste so good?
Kay: The forbidden fruit.
Zoey: Hate tastes great! It is a mix of bitter and sour.
Cookie: “Some day somebody gonna wanna make you gobble up a waffle fry … but chow down … even if you’re gay.”
Mae: Hmmm … have you tried the other chicken place? Little Nicky says, “It’s %*!#@*$ awesome!”
Dear Cycle Sluts, I am hearing so much about the “pup” culture, but I am not interested in it. Is there an adult version?
Kay: Is that the bear community?
Mae: I, personally, like an older dog. You can find them at shelters, and they just need a loving home. * Zoey bangs head on desk.*
Cookie: Yes, yes, there is. May I refer to Puppies in the Mountains. Look up their website.
Zoey: There is, but it requires neutering and the cone of shame.