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Dear Cycle Sluts, We are at the beginning of a new year, and that means goals and resolutions. What are some of yours?
Kay: To never make goals or resolutions.

Zoey: I would say my resolution is to not drink as much, but who are we trying to fool?

Mae: More glitter! More rainbows! More UNICORNS!

Cookie: I resolve to eat better, be better, bet better, bathe better, imbibe better, butt better, and have more sex.


Dear Cycle Sluts, I know we are boycotting the chicken place, but I love the food. Why does the chicken taste so good?
Kay: The forbidden fruit.

Zoey: Hate tastes great! It is a mix of bitter and sour.

Cookie: “Some day somebody gonna wanna make you gobble up a waffle fry … but chow down … even if you’re gay.”

Mae: Hmmm … have you tried the other chicken place? Little Nicky says, “It’s %*!#@*$ awesome!”


Dear Cycle Sluts, I am hearing so much about the “pup” culture, but I am not interested in it. Is there an adult version?
Kay: Is that the bear community?

Mae: I, personally, like an older dog. You can find them at shelters, and they just need a loving home. * Zoey bangs head on desk.*

Cookie: Yes, yes, there is. May I refer to Puppies in the Mountains. Look up their website.

Zoey: There is, but it requires neutering and the cone of shame.