Ask A Slut

I am shy. What are the best ways to meet people when I can barely talk to others?

Mae d’Mistake: Use sock puppets. The puppet will do the talking for you!

Winnie Bego:  As Zoey does, drink like there is no tomorrow.

Jack-Lynn Hyde: Get a ball gag; wear it all the time. The people who want to talk to you will be forthcoming, and you won’t have to say a word.

Zoey Diddim: Add that you are shy to your Grindr profile, and you will meet guys who will want to prove you wrong.

Kay Hausensues: Just flash them  … a smile.

Cookie Fortuna: Dress as a furry. No one will know it’s you underneath the costume.

Cherri Chola: Use that body to communicate instead.

I am scared that my partner and I are becoming the neighborhood “crazy cat people.” How do we find more human connections?

Mae d’Mistake: You should join a Book of Face group for crazy cat people. Then you have connections to people who are just as crazy as you without the actual people.

Winnie Bego: Why? People are crazy; stick with the cats!

Jack-Lynn Hyde: There’s medication for that.

Zoey Diddim: Get rid of some of the cats. Your trailer is stinking up the park.

Kay Hausensues: Throw a cat birthday party, and invite all of the neighbors.

Cookie Fortuna: Too late … can’t fix crazy.

Cherri Chola: Just start collecting feline furries. You get the best of both worlds.

When I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time I realized I tricked with her dad. What do I do now?

Mae d’Mistake: Hmmm … what kind of trick? Whoopie cushion? Tack-on-the-seat cushion? Fart spray?

Winnie Bego: Been there, done that, and kept going back. DILF!

Jack-Lynn Hyde: If he don’t mention it, you don’t mention it. Might be worth a house for your wedding present later in the relationship.

Zoey Diddim: Marry her and you get a free DILF as a wedding present!

Kay Hausensues: See how they compare.

Cookie Fortuna: Shhh … blackmail  is always good. Besides, now it’s a family affair.

Cherri Chola: Make sure the guest room is on the other side of the house for when her dad visits.

I want to learn how to glitter my beard properly. How much would you all charge for a private lesson?

Mae d’Mistake: How much would you charge for helping me learn how to grow a beard?

Winnie Bego: Are you cute? I’ll be your private dancer. A dancer for money. Do anything that you want me to do. MMMMMMMM

Jack-Lynn Hyde: We will ALL teach you, but you gotta play pinkie in the middle for as long as we want you to; bring wet wipes and a large towel.

Zoey Diddim: Make a sizable donation to our charity; bring me a bottle of vodka, and I will give you a private lesson.

Kay Hausensues: I can’t even glitter my own beard properly. Not so sure I should be charging anything.

Cookie Fortuna: If we taught you, then others will want to, and then that just gets all out of hand. It shall remain an ancient Chinese secret.

Cherri Chola: $50 and I will glitter more than just your beard.

*Learn more about the Cycle Sluts at denvercyclesluts.net.