HeinzeSight: ‘Why don’t you just give up?’

We’ve all been lied to. We’ve been told that to “give up” shows weakness. It’s not necessarily true. I’ve actually improved my life by learning to give up, and I believe that we can all benefit from this philosophy; it’s definitely not the easy way out. 

Negative thinking can be very comfortable to us, especially when we have been stuck in it for a long time. It takes time, energy and a lot of focused dedication to make changes. 

First of all, give up that our social lives revolve around being online. Get offline, get out, meet up and get off. Give up the idea that you’re not buff, furry, tattooed, or successful enough to talk to that hot guy over there. Just go over and say, “Hi.” Self-confidence is really damn sexy. Give up the idea that you have to fit a particular image to be accepted. Take the time to figure out who you truly are and what you’re really about. Give up using terms like “clean” that discriminates against us. I got educated and won’t let the fear of a virus dictate who I love or screw. Like so many of us, I had to find the courage to become comfortable with myself and give up those things that kept me feeling insecure and scared. 

My journey of becoming a stronger man has been shaped by this simple idea, and I present myself to all of you today living a life of gratitude, integrity, and passion – and it all started by learning how to just give up.

So, this was my speech given at the International Mr. Leather Contest when I represented Colorado in 2011. I never felt the desire to compete in one of these contests previously, but it was this one key idea that drove my decision. I was now able to articulate where my inner strength came from. In fact, it was one of the key beliefs that led me to face so many of my own individual fears. It also had a profound impact in challenging me to share my perspectives in this column.

There are so many situations and people thrown into our lives that can cause us to become terrified of being hurt and frustrated with how difficult life can be. We’re all shaped by things that happened to us in the past, helping us to form concrete ideas about our perception of the world around us and the people that inhabit it. They shape our feelings of being able to successfully interact with people, situations and challenges.

We all hold on to many things. We remember what it was like to taste success and to feel the painful sting of defeat. We experience situations where we felt powerful and others where we experienced feeling pathetic and feeble. All of these experiences impact our creation of beliefs in our lives. We usually don’t have to think about what we believe or why we feel that way about something – it’s just there. And it’s healthy to maintain those beliefs that help us to become successful, but it can be extremely challenging to work on letting go of those ideas, actions and thoughts that bind us to feelings of bitterness, weakness and unhappiness.

It’s a challenge to discern which things are beneficial to give up and which should be protected and maintained. It takes introspection and possibly help from a good friend or professional counselor. It can be very difficult to give up those things that give us comfort.

Consider starting your New Year celebration by deciding to give up. Forget promising a resolution that you are going to work to maintain for a few months and then chuck by the side of the road like a cigarette butt. Start this year by letting go of some of the old crap that you have been hoarding inside for many years. It might be hard at first, but you will feel so much better after you learn how to just give up.