Eye Contact: An Introvert’s Discovery

In the story of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, a shepherd boy travels from Andalusia, Spain to the pyramids of Egypt in search of treasure. Along his way, he meets a mysterious man known as the Alchemist who guides him on his journey.

The two are crossing the Sahara Desert at a time when tribal wars and thieves present danger to travelers. At one point, the two are stopped by tribesmen who refuse to let them go any further. The boy fears that his journey is at an impasse, but the Alchemist looks the men directly in their eyes and states, “I’m not going very far.” The tribesmen grow silent, transfixed by his gaze, then allow the two passage across the desert. The boy is fascinated by this exchange and later asks his travel companion how he was able to accomplish this. The Alchemist replies, “Your eyes show the strength of your soul.”

I’m an environmentalist, a member of the LGBTQ community, and a natural introvert. I’ve also read The Alchemist once a year since I discovered it more than a decade ago. This novel resonates with me because it offers numerous life lessons for those of us seeking to grow and realize our potential.

As someone who has the ability to be socially outgoing (after internally evaluating a new setting), I recently reflected on this communication lesson from the story. How can effective eye contact shape the product of our conversations? Do we all simply have our way of conversing with one another, or is it worth taking a closer look at its value?  A personal experience has shown me that we each have a powerful ability to inspire others and achieve success in our endeavors.

As I share this story and the learning experience that transpired for me, I wanted to first clarify that there are many forms of communication and none are greater or more important than another, just as no personality type is stronger or more acceptable than another. Some of us are able to communicate using particular methods. I share a respect and admiration for all forms of communication and abilities; the intent of this article is to offer encouragement in the form of spoken language and eye contact for those who are able.

While attending college in Michigan, I held a job as a political canvasser. The campaign I supported raised funding for environmental causes, including protecting the Great Lakes as a water resource. After classes, our group would travel to different neighborhoods and knock on doors to raise awareness and financial contributions for our cause.

During my first few evenings, I was paired with other coworkers, and I began to observe their styles of presenting themselves to residents. Colleagues who would shyly look down at the ground during their introduction would often be dismissed without receiving a donation. Conversely, canvassers who presented themselves with a friendly and bold eye contact left many homes with a check in hand.  I became intrigued with how a simple communication gesture had a profound impact on the canvasser’s success.

Over the next few months, I continued to challenge my social abilities as our group introduced ourselves in neighborhoods across the state. Though I applauded my intention, I frequently found myself not wanting to impose, evident by my eye contact drifting away during interactions. The self-consciousness that I carried with me prevented me from truly connecting with many residents and from being financially lucrative for the campaign.

Eventually, I scheduled my last outing with the organization. As I walked around the neighborhood, I decided that, regardless of my natural communicative state in this setting, I didn’t want to spend my last day being insecure about how people would perceive me. I started smiling and meeting the eyes of homeowners as we spoke.

As the correspondence elevated between me and the people I met, I began receiving generous financial contributions from house to house. Upon hearing of our cause, a resident would hand me a $100 check; then the next would do the same. That success stayed with me through the evening, and on our way back to campus, my colleagues expressed astonishment of the accomplishment.

That day became one of the most influential experiences of my life because I witnessed a brilliant truth about the world: People are drawn to the strength that we exhibit through our presence; one form of this being eye contact. While everyone’s method of communication is unique and theirs to determine, I began to realize that most of us have this ability within us anytime we can bring it out.

Our community and the greater world comprise a wide range of social dynamics, from the outspoken to the thoughtfully reflective. No matter where we find ourselves within this spectrum, it is normal to feel varying levels of engagement in our conversations, and it is OK to not feel outgoing every day. However, when we take moments to ensure that our communication indicates that we are worthy of being listened to, and that we are listening as well, extraordinary advancements may transpire.

We can land that big promotion or make our voices heard on important issues. We can inspire others by allowing them to see the passion behind our ideas. Establishing an effective communication bridge is the first step to making our communities and our planet a better place.

As you consider the causes in which you want your voice to be heard, I encourage you to utilize this ability during your next few conversations and see what happens. Perhaps, like the Alchemist, your next great challenge may be met with incredible success.