Questions You Want to Ask a Bisexual but Should Google Instead

I wanted to begin this article with something generic like, ‘It’s 2017 and people are still asking me to choose between men and women. Get with the times!’ But, it’s 2017 and fascism is making a comeback, so dispelling myths about queer sexualities is still a necessity.

Do You Like Men Or Women More?
It’s like asking the color grey whether it’s more white or black. This is a silly question with a very simple answer. Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes equally, hence the term bisexual.

In my experience, being attracted to both masculinity and femininity has made me pay less attention to the sex of a person, since it’s not a deciding factor for me. It’s also difficult to say whether I like men or women more because there are huge differences between individuals of both sexes. Beyond biological differences, gender has been getting a major make-over since the rise of queer rights, and feminine men and masculine women are increasing in frequency.

Like most people, bisexuals are only attracted to a handful of people throughout their life, so it’s difficult to make sweeping generalizations about one’s preference based on such a relatively tiny sample. Attraction goes well beyond physical appearance and includes everything from pheromones to political views. And since attraction is not centered around gender, asking a bisexual what gender they prefer tries to reduce something as complicated as attraction to a fraction of what it actually is. Got it?

Are You Sure You’re Not Just Gay?
Bisexual men usually get asked this more than bisexual women. It’s not uncommon for gay men to first come out as bisexual because they want to test the homophobic climate of their immediate surroundings before completely surrendering to them. However, it’s not your place to cross examine someone’s sexuality.

Unsurprisingly, the skepticism towards bisexual males is rooted in homophobia. For example, if a man is attracted to both women and men, and can contine sleeping exclusively with women withouth jeopardizing the safe confines of heterosexuality, then why would he decide to act on his desire towards men? If he is willing to publicly state his desire for men, it must be because he’s not attracted to women at all and is just too afraid to come out as gay. Don’t let this thinking confuse you. It’s biphobic nonsense we’ve all come to know and hate.

Are You Sure You’re Not Just Straight?
Bisexual women are the usual targets of this gem. The underlying belief behind this question is that women hook up with other women for men’s pleasure. Or that a woman is simply biding her time with another woman until the right man will come along and swoop her away from the lecherous arms of homosexuality. Or that it’s only a phase. Or really anything else that will keep the terrifying fact of bisexuality at bay.

But bisexuals remain real, and the only side I will ever pick is mashed potatoes at Popeyes.

Do You Think You Can Ever Be Happy Dating Just One Person?
I don’t think I can ever be happy, but that’s neither here nor there. This question, however, is as relevant to heterosexuals and homosexuals as it is to bisexuals. Marriage in the United States is based on monogamy, and open relationships are still not widely practiced. Having the potential to be attracted to more people doesn’t necessarily mean that you will realize that potential. The answer to this question is dependent on a person’s capacity for monogamy rather than on their sexuality.