Owning someone, body and soul

I’ve been getting into more kinky behaviors lately and I have a guy who I play with that has become very important to me. He wants to own me as his slave by putting a collar on me.Honestly it’s nothing more than a chain with a padlock, but it’s to symbolize our link in the relationship. Some of my friends are extremely concerned that I’m in danger of getting hurt by giving up control to this person. How do I explain to them that this is a good thing for me and they don’t have to worry?

The concept of ownership is nothing new in relationships. A high-school football player can let someone they are dating wear their letterman jacket while others offer a promise or engagement ring to someone they love. In similar ways, kinky people may choose to put a chain or collar around someone’s neck whom they care about. Although this may look unusual to some, these are not necessarily concerning.

In the kink, fetish, or BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) communities, relationships can exist outside of the normally accepted format that most people experience. Since these exchanges often include giving up power and control in intense situations, it is crucial to ensure that everyone agrees with how things are supposed to go and what to expect from each other. Many times, these types of relationships also come with additional negotiations about what expectations exist between the people involved. It may also include creating a contract that specifies what types of activities involving “ownership” are to be expected.

Collars and contracts are extremely important to some to ensure their relationship has been concretely defined, but it’s also a fun way to add some sexual heat into the exchange. It’s also vital for people to explore the significance of this type of relationship and what they hope to gain from it. Like many things, physical items can have a variety of meanings depending on the nature of the relationship. It has as much or as little significance as individuals put into it. A collar can act as a cool-looking necklace, a status symbol, or an expression of connection and love. It may bring up feelings of sexual desire and increase a sense of security.

Regardless of what “ownership” expectations you set in the relationship, slavery was outlawed in the United States many years ago and no one can actually own you. The idea of being someone’s property in these types of dynamics is more about creating agreements and expectations that cause a heightened sense of emotional and sexual arousal. Of course, this is just a clinical way of saying it’s important to be turned on by anything you do intimately with someone else. There is the potential that your friends will not understand your new dynamics, but you may want to take time to consider what it means to you before you spend effort in explaining it to them. Hopefully, they’ll want to see you happy.

One of the primary mantras in the community is to have activities be safe, sane, and consensual. As with most experiences involved with kinky play, communication about expectations and limits is extremely important. Have conversations about what is desired and don’t forget to have a great time. Wearing a collar is a wonderful, symbolic way to represent the bond that exists between people and offers a strong statement to the outside world that you are loved.